Wow you guys... you really have such amazing insights!!!

DnJ... You are so right about the being driven by fear part... And your question about fearing my actions or his... That is a really difficult one to answer as I think perhaps it is a bit of both. Jack’s relationship history would suggest that he is not one who invests in relationships...not easily at least. We’ve been seeing each other for five months and we are already past his “average”. He does not say much to me about how he feels...about anything. He tells me a lot about what he thinks but feelings do not appear to something he spends a lot of time reflecting on. I think there is some fear there and a person who struggles with feelings of inadequacy that stem from his relationship with his dad and feeling like he has disappointed him.

Does Jack demonstrate behaviour that suggests he would be at ease discarding me? No...he definitely does not. We spend every weekend together and is very affectionate and attentive. I never get the sense when we are out that he is checking out other women or anything like that. The one time we almost broke up (because of my frustration with his texting habits), he was upset by it and when he showed up at my house and gave me a hug, I asked him how he was and he said “better now that I am holding you.” He seemed a lot more distressed than I ever would have guessed he would be.

Ginger... Another person on here with amazing insights and advice. You are so right. We really can’t predict or control what happens in the future and someone could do and say everything right and still not be there in the end. And then someone like Jack, who barely says anything, may just be around for the long haul. Words are wonderful...they are great at easing our insecurities and helping us to feel safe but...at the end of the day...they don’t mean anything if someone’s actions don’t match. Five months into my R with XH, we were already living together and I was the love of his life and his soul mate... until I wasn’t. There are no guarantees in life.

Re: Jack’s motivation and lack of a job. He has a lot of motivation and passion for his music and I admire that greatly. I think he will be back working within the next week or two as he has had a number of calls and is sorting all of that out this week. He’s worked his whole life with the exception of the last five months so I’m not worried that he will be permanently unemployed or that it will affect my level of attraction to him. I just know that, on paper, we don’t look like a good match and that does concern me sometimes. However, XH and I were a great match on paper and that didn’t exactly work out. You just never know... Jack and I talked about our age difference a bit last night. We both agreed that it doesn’t mean a whole lot to either of us. He says he thinks of me as 40 as I look and act as if I am. Of course, I’m not 40, I’m 51 and at some point, I will look my age and TBH, I worry that he will stop looking at me the way he does now.

So... last night was a good night. My sister and BIL came over for a BBQ as well as my friend and her husband. We are all planning to go to Croatia for three weeks next year - Jack included if we are still together. We had a great dinner and then spent some time checking out accommodations and loosely planning what places we would like to visit. It is hard to plan a trip with someone who you’ve only been dating for five months when the trip is a year away but he does want to go so we are planning it as if he is coming...final decision won’t need to be made until the Spring when we buy our plane tickets. I told him after that, we have to either not break up until after we get back or we go as friends with benefits...lol. Anyway...my sister and our friends know that my BIL is planning a surprise (he had to tell them so we wouldn’t book rooms for the days he has planned) but they don’t know the details. I am beyond excited. I think we are going to charter a 50-foot catamaran for a week and just cruise around the islands. I have always wanted to spend some time on a catamaran and the one I am hoping we are going to book is a BEAUTY!!! Jack has never really been anywhere so I am even more excited that he might be with us. I am hoping it will infect him with the travel bug as certainly that is something I want to do a lot of in the future.

Anyway...thanks, as always, for being the voice of reason and reassuring me that I am on the right track and don’t need to make any life altering decisions at the moment. I really am happy when I’m not questioning everything so as Ginger recommended, I’m not going to borrow trouble. My experiences in the last year have taught me that no matter how hard you try, you cannot predict or control the future...especially when other people are a part of it. It’s funny how we still try in the face of our insecurities, isn’t it? Glad I have all of you to stop me from going too far down that road. (((HUGS)))