So H was out of town this weekend and usually sees D4 on Saturdays. Before he left he asked if it might be ok for him to see her on Sunday (today). I told him that since he didn’t know what time he’d be back, he could text when he was back and if D4 and I were around he could see her. He texted this morning and we made a plan for him to meet us at 2. He met us where we were out having lunch and playing. I tried to go in with zero expectations, but still felt the sting of handing her over in the middle of a lovely Sunday afternoon. If I’m completely honest, which I may as well be here as I am in therapy, I did have a small bit of hope that it might turn into a bit of family time. But then I remember that I’m not supposed to be engaging in family tome at all!!! Pull back!!! What is wrong with me?? Anyway, I wasn’t as perfectly breezy as I could have been, but I tried to be cordial and just kiss D4 goodbye and get out of there. He seemed like he felt bad or maybe just awkward.
I allowed this to happen because I do feel in my gut that the more flexible about these things I can be with H, the less custody he will try to fight me for. That’s the kind of person he is generally. Should I not have allowed this? I wonder if it’s too nice/too flexible on my end. I couldn’t think of a way to say no without it seeming very petty. I suppose maybe “we’re actually busy today, how about tomorrow” would have been the right response. Thoughts?
Ps I’m home now and plan to get my house clean and in order for the week, then meditate on being cordial and unbothered when he brings D4 home. Ugh I am so bad at this.
