You do make a lot of good points. They are more than just background noise. And I haven’t seen too many chips being put in the pot, not saying you need to go all in. One can only play the cards they have been dealt, and all hands have risk. If one looks at things as win/lose, perhaps you need to start to see win/win.
You are speculating on what Jack might do later on in the future, the meet someone and have a family scenario. Ok, a validate concern. However, concern over a future possible event is.... well I’m sure you’ve read enough of my posts to know.
So do you fear his actions or your’s?
You spoke about investing in the relationship and wondering about five years from now. You say it is him fitting into your life.
DV, you are already investing into this relationship - thinking five years out shows the seriousness of it. And for what it’s worth you are also fitting into his life and lifestyle. Each of you appear to be fitting well together.
So, what to do about your concerns? Talk to him. You cannot read his mind, so ask him. See where he is at.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
It’s not something he want right now but he could easily change his mind later on down the road and then what?
Things that follow “but” usually are justifying something.
Yes he could change his mind, just like anyone can. But, easily?
As an empathic guess from me - you are letting your fear lead you. Look at this from that intellectual car. Does Jack demonstrate such behaviour that he would be at ease discarding you?
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I’m someone who just wants to be in a committed relationship and grow old with somebody.
So am I. Always have been.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Jack feels, and believes the same. That value is not age related. I’ve believed right down to my core, in wanting (not needing) to grow old with someone, ever since I was in my early twenties.
There is a time when one realizes the chips, the pot, the hand - isn’t important - isn’t what is actually at “play”. The game isn’t poker, doesn’t need win/lose stresses and worry. It’s much bigger and better. You’re already all in. We all are. The win/win comes from how you play what you’ve been dealt.
DV, you are doing great and have a wonderful life. Hope your day is a bright one.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
One can only play the cards they have been dealt, and all hands have risk. If one looks at things as win/lose, perhaps you need to start to see win/win.