Oh yes, my therapist and I have discussed how this situation is a growth opportunity-she's referring to it as my "second spring" and feels one of the gifts I will receive is developing my patience. Yes, I am reclaiming myself. Over the last few years I really lost myself trying to make our marriage work, not realizing he was dragging along this tremendous emotional baggage of guilt and remorse over his infidelity. I do give him credit for breaking off the EA and confessing that to me as well. However, whether or not he will do the work necessary to come back remains to be seen. I'm just trying to avoid getting roped back in while he's figuring it out.
You know though, the one consistent action I am seeing (and have for maybe the past month), is his both leaving the tracker on and telling me where he's going/what he's been doing when he gets the chance. Yesterday when he was here he said "John's taking me out tonight" and sure enough, he was at the pub. (I don't worry about what he's doing there, it doesn't matter. If any woman is after his bright orange plaid shirt/cargo shorts/sandals and socks combo...well, she's welcome to it.) and that today he'd probably be going out to the lake to see a couple of our friends at their cabin...and yes, there he is.
It's weird, as he doesn't really seem to be reacting emotionally. His usage of future tenses is ramping up, and his thoughtfulness in some ways seems to be as well, and fairly consistently. However, I will not get my hopes up-after that major twist last week, and his subsequent retreat....I really have to protect myself. I do think he's still feeling me out after confessing the infidelity. But, like I said, I'm done with that push and pull. I am distancing myself. (Literally! 3000 km!). I am done hand holding him.
As far as making excuses-I know you aren't. I think I was, and I'm not either-I'm just trying to phrase boundaries so his actions have less impact on me. At this point, I'm not even really concerned about what impact they have on him.
As far as those boundaries-I'll revisit #1 and #2, and not even mention #3-as that is one I can just do-drop the volume and content of the texts/emails to a strictly business level. He also asked me to text him pictures etc from Halifax-I just said "I'll be posting on my facebook page".
I will see how the "after Halifax" talk goes-it's probably nothing.
Oh, and yes, I thought of the animals-I have a girlfriend who will keep an eye on the horses-feeder and water trough. She'll pop by and check on the cats too. I'm not really worried as he is quite concerned about the animals, particularly what may happen to them if I have to move. He likes animals, as do I. I really think that's partially why he wants me to stay for a year-to sort out the critters.
I am so excited about the trip! And, my Tai chi-always wanted to do it. Therapist suggested yoga for my anxiety, but when I said "Tai chi" she was thrilled!.
Me: 57 H:60 Married: 25 yrs DB #1 June 4/19 "I love you forever" June 14/19 DB#2: June 19/19 ILYBINILWY
