I am sorry about H’s behaviour during this scary time; him telling you again that he is in love with this other woman.
MLCers have broken empathy chips. They really are self orientated. Remember this situation is all about him. From his point of view, from his deep dark depression - how does the affect me, how come I have to be here, etc... etc... blah blah blah.
He is in emotional turmoil and doesn’t know what he wants. He feelings are all over the place and cranked up to 11. He really cannot handle anyone else’s feelings or problems.
The MLCer is driven to run. Torrented beyond rational thought. Most really cannot handle any responsibilities, emotional pressure, conversations regarding decisions - especially death and other “big” topics. That’s one of the reasons he pushed your after death wishes, on to the kids.
MLCers cannot handle any pressure, and conversations are pressure. It is good, you told him your feelings and how you care - now leave that alone. Remember you are speaking with an irrational person. Emotionally childlike in how they handle things. Think young teenager, adolescent.
As an example, my XW in her quest for a responsibility-free life: Destroyed her child care business of 24 years, threw away our children (I have sole custody), threw away all rights to all properties, pensions, and other financial accounts, quit two permanent jobs(with benefits and pension plans) at two hospitals because she wanted to come and go as she pleased, and now mows grass and cleans houses when she feels like it. And on and on...
I do understand your feelings towards your wedding ring. I am an electrician so I do not wear jewelry especially the metallic kind. Aside from the entanglement hazard, gold is an excellent conductor of those electrons. Therefore I did not wear my ring at work only when going out. I do miss wearing it once in a while, however no where near as much as when I first put it away.
The taking off the wedding ring has no proper time or “correct” reason to do so. It is a very personal decision, and honestly who knows how our spouse will view it - and you need not worry about that. Do it for you.
I encourage you to keep your ring put away. You are just starting out on this path. Detachment, letting go, addiction to H, and such - all things to face and accept. Rings are a symbol - let it be a symbol of you letting go and focusing on you.
Originally Posted by Barranco
...even if by some miracle he will be able to see all the damage he caused I can’t see him as part of my family in any shape or form.
It’s good to get your feelings out. To see them, acknowledge, understand, and accept them. And this takes time.
Barranco, the future is unwritten and unknown. Don’t worry too much about it. The future will sort itself out.
If I might make another suggestion. Be careful with your word choices, they influence your thinking and beliefs. Can and can’t. Will and won’t. Be accurate in thought and heart.
When you say “I can’t see him as part of my family in any shape or form”, I get it, and it is accurate for right now. It’s emotionally driven. If you stepped back and look at this, really rationally, you cannot predict the future and if he will or won’t be part of your family. However, speaking and thinking like that will ensure that outcome.
The caution is - Your mind is listening, and will make your reality.
All these little thoughts, comments, actions, etc... both good and bad, all accumulate, add up, and alter one’s viewpoint, alter one’s beliefs.
You are on a very good path. Kindness and compassion. Keep the focus on you and keep moving forward.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Therefore I did not wear my ring at work only when going out. I do miss wearing it once in a while, however no where near as much as when I first put it away.