Persistent Endurance (Part 6)

[joejoe1]

Curt,

Here is some truth, my wife and I reconciled. We are still together. After all the damage I did and she did we are still together today, that does not mean it will always be that way. And we both understand that. We both are more aware of our mistakes and faults and are working to improve our M and relationship.

But we would not be reconciled if I was being nice to her. It's no way. Below I will give you some of my W statements while she was in the fog and some after she came out.

My WW told me, "who are you going to meet this weekend." I was dressed to impressed and took a trip to Austin for the weekend. I asked her to shave my back before I left. After shaving my back she say's, "I'm not shaving your back ever again, and tell that bi$%^ that you are meeting up with to enjoy you". I just looked at her and rolled out. I didn't try to defend myself or give an explanation. While, I was walking out, she says, "I now know how it feels to be cheated on by you". I never give her any indications I was messing with another woman, it was her own guilt eating her up.

After we reconciled. My wife told me, "The thought of you being with OW was tearing me up. I would have to move to another city before I watch you get in a relationship with OW" (she's the cheater not me, what a crazy statement).

I stop calling, texting, emailing or holding long conversations with her. That type of communication was for someone special in my life and my WW wasn't it. She started texting, emailing, and calling me. I was short and to the point in our communication. After we reconciled she told me, she started complaining to the OM about my actions, he was getting jealous (LOL). Her OM was jealous of her husband. I never mentioned his name or gave the thought of him any life by letting his name of anything about him come out of my mouth.

One of the last events that happen was, my W wanted to spend time with me, so we watched a movie, I found out she was still talking to the OM, after she had informed me she wasn't. I woked her up right at the moment, and told her to get her sh!t and leave. I meant it, I was done. And she felt it, no more disrespect. I wasn't going to allow it. We went back and forth about her getting the hell out. And then I gave her two options, you can continue talking to him and leave, or stop talking to him and stay. The whole point of that, was to show her I was done with the BS. That happened at the end of September 2017, A week later she asked me to set up counseling sessions, she flaked on the first few sessions, ( I never forced her to go). By the end of the month she was asking to work on the M. Now, mind you, I had asked her on multiple occasions in July and August to go to counseling, I just stop asking, after I found this forum.

I found this site at the end of August 2017. It took me three weeks of being smashed upside the head by Vets for me to get that me being nice was not going to work and to just let go of what I thought was right and DB. Once I started DBing my relationship and interactions with my WW started to turn around.

My wife told me in June 2017 ILYBINILWY, I begged and pleaded until the beginning of August, no change in her heart, actions or her wants of wanting out. I started to actively DB at the beginning of September.

I posted the my time line to give you a reference. Your actions are not in line with a person that want to be respected. Your actions are in line with a person that don't mind being disrespected.

This post is getting too long. But I see a person, that's not really getting the application of what he's reading or what he's being told. You haven't implemented any of the DB fundamentals effectively yet.

You are still saying things like:

"I truly feel giving it all you can for as long as you can is justified when you choose to love your S and especially when young kids are involved." (Not one person has told you to stop loving your W, we have all told you to stop allowing the disrespect and start respecting yourself)

"However, I still believe family and kids are first in her life." (Why in the world would you believe this, her actions have shown you the exact opposite, you are hoping this is how she feels)

"It will have a lasting affect on me, her, my kids, family, and friends. Those are some of the considerations and factors I’m battling internally. Respect versus hope for what could be." (There's that hope word again, it's great to have hope, it's bad to hold on to it like your life depends on it. You are worried about your actions while eliminating her actions, her actions as causing the damage at the moment not YOURS)

"I hope they don’t all end in D with never a hint of R. Please find me one as bad as mine that successfully R." (This comment sounds so weak, it made me spit out my water) (This is all you are worried about. Like I have told you before, you are emotionally attached to one outcome and that's RECON. You have to detach from that outcome to DB effectively)

Then you write this paragraph after everything Sandi, AS, LH and everyone else has been telling you. Which leads me to believe you are doing what ever you want to do. Because, if you were listening you would of never written this:

"I’ve thought about some of my responsibilities in the MR as a H often and concluded that it is my role to protect our MR and protect our family from harm and predators. Now the question is how do I act to accomplish that objective. I was in such a daze early on after BD that I didn’t know which way was up. Also, my WW was so resentful of me that any efforts along this front would have likely sent her running even faster in the opposite direction. However, now things have calmed down and I do not believe that she still sees me as the root cause for all of her unhappiness. Still, I’m not sure how to be a protector beyond stating it with words alone. It’s not advised to confront the OM and removing myself from her life doesn’t really allow me to provide protection. I can just be a great father to my kids while they are with me, lovingly detach and leave her to figure out her own mess while she is wayward.(Yes do this)" (Protection, really!!! You are worried about the wrong things. You should be DBing, not trying to proctect you WW from predators (which in this case are men that you WW, have allowed in her life and not predators).

Keep posting. I'm sorry if my post is too blunt!