Steve, I trust you have heard both perspectives in spite of any righteous indignation.
It's all clear as mud now.
Go your own way and as always, take what W says with a grain of salt. I support you regardless of your decision.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
We can all discuss tactics and strategies till the sun burns out, but what's missing from this conversation is 'values'. What are your values Steve? What values do you believe build a strong relationship? For me, that is honesty, trust, transparency, kindness, accountability, and love.
Drive your actions from your values. I would put everything out in the open and then see if this marriage is worth saving. Yeah, that's scary, but that is the only way forward from my perspective.
This is “my point” I was trying to drive home. For the benefit of you and your marriage Steve, not because I’m touting what’s “right” and what’s “wrong”
We can all discuss tactics and strategies till the sun burns out, but what's missing from this conversation is 'values'. What are your values Steve? What values do you believe build a strong relationship? For me, that is honesty, trust, transparency, kindness, accountability, and love.
Drive your actions from your values. I would put everything out in the open and then see if this marriage is worth saving. Yeah, that's scary, but that is the only way forward from my perspective.
This is “my point” I was trying to drive home. For the benefit of you and your marriage Steve, not because I’m touting what’s “right” and what’s “wrong”
I didn't mean what is right or wrong from a religious standpoint. I meant what is right and wrong for my marriage. As I said, I see both viewpoints, and there are merits on both sides of the argument.
I guess if it wasn't my sitch I would advocate for what you and Maika are. I need to think and pray on it some more.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Again S you and your W need to find out what the missing link is. I am not an expert by any means but maybe there is something missing in the bedroom. Maybe your W has some desires she has never expressed before. Maybe you do as well...………………
Again S you and your W need to find out what the missing link is. I am not an expert by any means but maybe there is something missing in the bedroom. Maybe your W has some desires she has never expressed before. Maybe you do as well...………………
Food for thought.
TY TB. There certainly was something missing in the bedroom during my EAs. She was on one edge of the bed, I was on the other. However, the literal space between us couldn't even compare to the figurative space between us. We went years in between sex at one stretch. I am not exaggerating. We were averaging 2 times a year, with months, and years in between. Again, this is not a valid excuse for my choices. Just the way it was.
Same during her EAs, we were so disconnected (note to newbies, this is different than detached) that she eventually went looking for the emotional and sexual connections she was craving.
I've recently realized that we as partners need to have the following connections with our spouses:
I was referring more to sexual desires, spicing up the bedroom, maybe there are some dark fantasy's within you both that need to be itched. Given your faith those things might be hard to express.
Again just trying to explore what might be missing.
I find it absolutely bizarre that there are 'two-sides' of a conversation around the need for truth and transparency in a relationship. Aren't we LBS's so gung-ho on holding our partners to this line when we have been deceived? I find it intriguing that you are asking your W to meet a standard that you won't meet yourself. And the values I described are part of every single faith in this world, so it's not something out of left field.
I was referring more to sexual desires, spicing up the bedroom, maybe there are some dark fantasy's within you both that need to be itched. Given your faith those things might be hard to express.
Again just trying to explore what might be missing.
TB, I would have agreed with you 2 years ago. Now, we are pretty spicy! I have no complaints in the bedroom, but I will explore whether or not she feels the same.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I find it absolutely bizarre that there are 'two-sides' of a conversation around the need for truth and transparency in a relationship. Aren't we LBS's so gung-ho on holding our partners to this line when we have been deceived? I find it intriguing that you are asking your W to meet a standard that you won't meet yourself. And the values I described are part of every single faith in this world, so it's not something out of left field.
Maika, I completely understand that. But there are people that advocate NOT burdening your spouse with things so far in the past, and they have good reasons for advocating that. I think it would be much more black and white of an issue if we were talking about 6 months ago, or even a couple of years ago.
Again, I am definitely not saying you are wrong. And I may even end up fully heeding your advice.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
