We can all discuss tactics and strategies till the sun burns out, but what's missing from this conversation is 'values'. What are your values Steve? What values do you believe build a strong relationship? For me, that is honesty, trust, transparency, kindness, accountability, and love.
Drive your actions from your values. I would put everything out in the open and then see if this marriage is worth saving. Yeah, that's scary, but that is the only way forward from my perspective.
