Guess I'm standing. Was "now what?"

[BarbH]

Thank you Gerda. I've been reading your threads too, and honestly I don't know how you have the patience and fortitude.

You're right, I just want this over and done, and quickly! The path back home seems so obvious to me. I spoke with Lenny today, and we aren't sure if this is MLC or not-potentially his MLC was at 45 when he had the affair in the first place-and now we're dealing with residue guilt.

Regardless, I am working on being kind, being the lighthouse, being the safe harbour. He appears to not (at least) be lying to me, he is asking his sister questions, and she is passing them onto me. It's like he is testing out our situation. I'm okay now with contact every week or so, and pleasant conversations.
He also seems to be worried about coming back too soon. He's mentioned more than once, "what if we reconcile and 2 years from now we're in the same boat?" It's a good question.
He's never spewed at me, never bad mouthed me to anyone. I do think he is working his way through. I also think I'm willing (at this point) to consider giving him a couple of years.

Thank you for your kindness. I just have these awful despairing moments.