Divorce because I betrayed her trust - THREAD 2

[crdcheck]

Hey Dan, question for you but no need to answer here - is this an "addiction" or just "typical" behavior? Does it interfere with your work, other parts of your life? Reason I ask is that I'm a bit worried that you may be trying to go too far, that a Victoria's Secret add may "compromise" you in the future. If you don't want to look at porn, great. But if you are a fully-functioning person who enjoys porn and is changing only because this is what your W would want, well, I fear that there is a risk of relapse in the future - the more you try to stop thinking about something the harder it is (e.g. try for the next 60 seconds to not think about elephants... good luck). And if you get your W back and in three years you look at a pic or rewatch some scene of an R rated movie, is she back out? All I'm saying is, make sure that you are true to yourself.

Re: house sale, I went the route of not obstructing but also not helping. In my sitch, I was the bad guy (cheater) but had spent a year making significant changes so, while I felt compelled to atone for my sins by helping her leave, folks here convinced me that I was doing her work for her. I gravitated toward letting her run things, saying that this was her "project" and I would help when she asked (rather than demanded) and when I felt reasonable (e.g. would not compromise my work) but I would not drive. At the same time, like you, I was GALing and moving my life forward (finding a new place to live, planning vacations, etc.). I'll be honest - I'm 4-6 weeks away from my D being finalized so I can't say that my approach is the one to follow. However, by the time she announced, it was already over, and she'd made the decision long before. She betrayed me in that regard. Which is part of the reason...

I have to wonder what else is your W thinking? Not that you know, not that you can ask, but boy, for a first offense to jump to D? Don't get me wrong, I understand the desire to make things right, but her response seems disproportionate to the offense, especially if you are seeking to right the "wrong".

In short, I don't see there as being any opportunity for you to do right in her eyes. Whether you help her or not she has fired you, pack your stuff, clear your desk, turn your badge in. And now she wants you to work an extra shift or two to get through the busy season. Not sure that's reasonable...