I wouldn't ask her to come along - wouldn't even mention it, unless she asks, other than to say by way of FYI you have another appointment. Asking her to come would be pursuit.
I very recently had a health scare. I'm an ex smoker. I went to the dentist a few weeks ago, and he noticed a 'lesion' at the back of my mouth. He didn't say it directly, but the concenred looks, all the Q's he asked related to my smoking history, bringing 2 colleagues in to have a look, and then scheduling me for another appointment to check again, caused immense turmoil for me.
I'm all clear now, but I didn't say anything to my XW at any stage whatsoever.
Good luck buddy. Regds D
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Steve. That’s touching. But I wouldn’t give it to you. Lol
It’s not an appt. it’s a phone consultation. They are going to call me at 9 am Monday morning to discuss options. I would like her there at home when they do for her input. See what I mean. They are gonna give me several options with the risks and rewards of them
She picks up on things better than I do. She also thinks of questions I wouldn’t
I still wouldn't ask her for anything. She may not give a c--p at the moment mate. If she sits in her input may be tainted by virtue of that.
This could be an opportunity for you to show her how strong and independent a man you are by handling this by yourself for yourself. If you are unsure about what to ask, then maybe sit down beforehand and write out a list of Q's for your medical team, have pen and paper with you during consult and write everything down, or even record the conversation on your phone and come back to it. Leave big gaps between the written Q's so you can have space to brainstorm whilst you're listening or add other Q's or concerns during the phone consult.
I'm sorry I'm not sure of whether you've indicated what your medical condition is. Was it C? Do you have family you can speak to in discussing the options? You can send them the recorded consult of Monday for their input. Ask your med team for success percentage rates for each option, that way it'll be clearer for you to make a decision (ie option A 95% success but 50/50 that blah blah will happen, option B 70% success but 10% that blah blah will happen - I'm not a med but something like that should be able to be given).
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Hey DS9. Sorry I just saw this. I asked her this morning. She said she couldn’t because she just got in trouble yesterday for being late a lot. She waits too long to leave the house every morning. I asked if it would be different if she told her boss what it’s for. She said “my boss would say he’s a grown ass man and he can talk to the doctor by himself.” The W said “you should see the way my boss treats her own husband. It’s terrible”. She said her boss gave her a paper yesterday that said “it is the responsibility of the scale master to be at work by 7 am” and then made her sign it.
Now I feel weak and stupid for asking her. I should have got on here and read your post first. But I can’t undo the damage. Hopefully it wasn’t too much damage. I remember now when she BDed me. One of the things she brought up Was about my cancer. She said “I didn’t ask for this”. When talking about my cancer night of BD. Dang I wish I wouldn’t have asked her this morning.
I think the grown ass man part was prolly her own words right? That [censored]. Dealing with brain cancer by myself. My family is 5 hrs away.
I can’t imagine she’d have been that callous that they were her own words mate. If they were, then that speaks to her character.
Be your own source of strength oz. remember when Mohammed Ali did the rope a dope? That’s you at the moment bud. You’re getting smashed from everywhere but you remain firm in your resolve and true to yourself and you’ll prevail. The forums now in your corner. Your wife is temporarily absent from your corner but you know what, for the moment you wouldn’t want her there anyway.
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
She asked her boss a while back about taking a half a day off the day after a concert we have tickets to that is coming up. She didn’t have a problem asking about that. But she won’t ask about this?
Granted her boss did just crack the whip yesterday. But one is a concert. The other is potentially life and death
Oz, I didn't see this in time but I would actually have suggested that you ask her to be there, so I don't think you did anything wrong. I think it was really rude of her to refuse and blame it on work, but rudeness is definitely a well-worn tool in every WAS's toolbox. So don't feel stupid, you are at a very vulnerable moment and you could have used the support. It's unfortunate she can't help you at least as a friend, but it is what it is. Can anyone in your family come visit for a while? I took a week off and spent it with my dad when he was going through chemo and radiation, he needed support as well as help with basics.
By the way, I would absolutely write her out of your will. Not to be vindictive, but she clearly doesn't consider you two in a relationship anymore so your estate should go to someone who cares.
She asked her boss a while back about taking a half a day off the day after a concert we have tickets to that is coming up. She didn’t have a problem asking about that. But she won’t ask about this?
Did she perhaps not understand how important this session is? If she did, sounds like she's checked out of being close friends. In many sitch's here, the WAS moved out, but would be there for this.
Beyond your family visiting or you visiting your family, can you record your session or take notes and ask the doctor follow-up questions later in the week by e-mail or phone?
She said she would sit down with me this weekend and help write out questions for the doc. Which is nice
But should I bring this up to her? Should I point out the disparity between asking off for a concert and asking off for a couple hours to sit in on a phone consult?
I really want to ask her about this. Like why she would ask for one but not for the other. She gets how important it is
To her defense her boss has gone off the deep end with newfound power and is grilling everybody and got onto her about being late
AS. nobody in my family would be able to visit. At least not anybody I want
