#15 Back to a cautious piecing

[SteveLW]

The first one was someone I had met while dating my wife. She started flirting and emailing nude pictures. This was back in the infancy of digital photography. She kept pressing to meet for "coffee", her euphemism for hooking up. I never let it get that far and she eventually meet someone and moved on. She was in the middle of a divorce when she was propositioning me. She lived about 15 minutes from me. This lasted about 6 months in 2000.

The second one was a woman I met online, on a online chatroom. She was in a semi open relationship. She listened to my marital problems mostly around me being a sex-starved husband. We web-cammed, and she did do some nudity on cam for me. She to started pressuring me to meet to relieve my pent up sexual energy. She alluded to performing acts on me without actually having intercourse. She lived about an hour away. At that point I cut off contact. My personal boundary was actually meeting in person. This one went on about 4 months in 2001.

W knew about both of those after I came clean following her EA in 05.

I stayed clear of all online activity like that afterward. And avoided social media.

Then (this is the difficult one to admit to), my longtime on again off again girlfriend contacted me via email in 2010. Eventually she started texting. Her marriage was rocky, she had just ended a 2 year PA with a guy I know. We started just confiding in each other. But eventually out turned sexual. There was sexting, even some phone sex. She would talk about meeting but it never materialized. I cut it off at one point but it started back up. It lasted overall about 21 months. She started going to MC to work on her marriage. By the way, she's contacted me on and off since 2012, sometimes trying to rekindle things but I've been resolute since then that there is no chance. Oh she lived about a half hour away.

The fourth was another girl I met, quite a bit younger than me (12 years), that I met online just after getting married. She was interested (lives about an hour away), but I made it clear I was married and not looking to cheat. We stayed in casual contact for years. She got married in 2007. In 2013 her marriage was having trouble. And she was pregnant with her only child. She contacted me, and it turned into sexting with her sending nudes. It lasted about 5 months and she later blamed it on pregnancy hormones and her husband not wanting to have sex while she was pregnant. She insinuated I took advantage of that.

That's the major details. I probably don't need to tell you all that in all 4 cases my marriage was not very good, and of course these actions didn't help. Further, I had various jobs stresses during the last two. Not an excuse but these helped me escape since this weren't great at home. I vowed after 2013 to never again let things like this happen.

Sandi, yes I've prayed and asked for forgiveness. Though my beliefs on true repentance means I will need to confess to my W at some point.

Obviously I'm very ashamed of these. I refuse to ever give in to such temptation ever again!