#15 Back to a cautious piecing

[sandi2]

Well, I may come off as looking a bit mean, but I'm not going to tell you that your just human and that everyone makes mistakes (at least not yet). I was amazed after you got a few verbal pats on the shoulder, you quickly returned to the subject of how your W has changed. You don't want to talk about your four affairs, but you jump right back where you left off with her.

Ok everyone. I have something I have to confess. Something I've never admitted in this forum before, but based on my current circumstances I feel it is extremely necessary to come clean.

I've had my own EAs.

Wow this is harder to post than I thought it would be.

I'm so sorry to disappoint you all.

It's not so much about disappointing us.......although, I'll admit it does, b/c you've presented yourself as the faithful spouse for 1 1/2 years. Did you ever consider the advice from some of us might be just a little different if you had been upfront at the beginning? I mean the basic principals wouldn't change, but I think you know what I mean. I went back and read your threads again, and it's interesting when it's read with seeing you as the faithful spouse and then reading it again after finding out you are just as guilty as your W.

I've had 4 total. First two were 17 and 18 years ago. Those I admitted to my wife after her EA in 2005.

So you had two EA's before she had one, right? Was it the two women you referred to in previous posts?

Okay, so then you had two more EA's after her's in 2005. Was it with the same woman or same two women?

I feel really guilty right now. Ashamed. And as I said I do not feel like I can take a firm stand against this, as firm as some of you here are advocating, because I have the whole "he without sin cast the first stone" thought process.

Steve, you feel guilty & ashamed b/c you have not been totally honest with your W, or even with those who wanted to help you. You knew people looked up to you and respected the advice you offered. Yet, you continued to play a role. I can't help but wonder if this parallels with your church life. You are playing a role in your M, at church, and in life. No wonder you are exhausted! Take it from one sinner to another, it will catch up with you. I don't know if you have squared things away with God, but I encourage you to do what you believe and teach. I also encourage you to seek His perfect will for how you address this situation. I pray that you will find peace in your heart. Once you know you are right in the eyes of God, then you can stand up for what is right. You can stand against sin, without stoning the sinner. ((hugs))

Originally Posted by CWarrior
Steve, did your EAs 6-8 years ago involve ILUs and nude picture exchanges like your wife's? It seems to me an EA is more loosely defined than a PA, and all EAs while harmful are not equivalent.

Yes.

Instead of us having to pick you, why not tell us about the EA's?