Oof! I'm sorry, Oz. I'd rather face a mountain lion than have someone operate on my brain. You're in our thoughts and prayers even if you were physically alone today. You're a survivor. You got through this before.
Hey everybody. Thanks for your support. This morning is rough. I’m not gonna lie. I’m scared. I knew it was gonna come back someday. It just wasn’t supposed to be this soon.
This was a bitter pill to swallow. It’s hard talking about your own mortality this way.
I really wish my W had been there.
I really don’t know how to mix DBing with handling this
Prayers to you Oz....did the dr. Give you a prognosis?
One thing I have learned is that even a good woman will stick by your side for only so long and eventually it will take a toll on them emotionally. Men are supposed to be strong, if your W percieves herself as being stronger than you even with this going on it will impact her. It's ok to share some things with her but maybe getting into a good IC would help you process some of your deeper emotions that you dont want to share or reveal to her.
TB...it may take an emotional toll on a woman but a good one will stick around.
Oz. So sorry to hear this. The timing is sh#t...not that there is ever a good time for something like this. I agree with the IC recommendation. The deep feelings are difficult to share with loved ones because you start to worry about their emotions as well and that is an extra burden to bear. You need to keep the focus on you and on taking care of yourself.
We’re all thinking of you and sending you healing energy... (((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry you will face another surgery, Oz. (((hugs)))
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I really don’t know how to mix DBing with handling this
IMHO, I think you should focus on what makes you feel optimistic. I may have said this in a previous thread, but I'll say it again. Be proactive in planning your days with the activities that make YOU feel good (physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally). Don't listen to songs that pull you down. Listen to upbeat/inspirational music. Make the same decision toward the films/programs you watch. Don't watch those sad movies. Don't even watch the evening news, if it bothers you. If you've been reading lots of self help type books, or books about MR........maybe you can put those on hold for a little while. If you love to read, maybe choose something just for leisure.
Have a support team. Check around to see if there is a local support group. IDK how your W will respond to the news. I realize you want her support, and I hope she will be there for you. Just don't rely solely on her to give you emotional support, b/c she may be too weak, IDK. I guess I am trying to tell you to not let her define how you face this challenge. In other words, if she doesn't give you what you need on any given day.........don't give up. Don't doubt your value. You have proven to be a strong man, Oz.
IMHO, you should not be burdened about your MR while you prepare for this surgery. Do what you think is right, based on your personal beliefs and standards. BTW, I'm not saying you should quit the board, okay? If you receive strength from the board, then by all means, continue to post. It doesn't have to be about your W/MR all time. You can talk to us about anything. I just don't want you spinning and overthinking about small stuff.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Really sorry that you have to deal with this as well.
Yes I agree with Sandi - just focus on preparing for the surgery. The point about listening to and doing positive stuff is very important - it sounds twee and cliched, but it really works. I have Spotify on at work for example, and just listen to classic 80s stuff, prog rock, or 20th century classical. I avoid anything that reminds me of my M or W (so nothing by Aqualung, and I can't listen to Every Little Thing She Does is Magic at the moment, despite The Police being my fave band!).
Read some non-fiction or books by comedians. Audio books are great for this too; I have a long list of comedy books to get through with my Audible credits!
Wishing you well.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
I really don’t know how to mix DBing with handling this
Wake up every morning and enjoy every moment. Do not think about the past or the future. Live in the present.
Today is all that we have. The past is gone and the future has not yet arrived.
Set your alarm earlier than normal. When it wakes you up, turn it off. Lay there and take a deep breath. Let it all the way out. Feel how good that feels. Repeat that for awhile. Just enjoy breathing. Think of nothing else. (do this anytime). Get up, get in the shower. Turn the water on and feel how good the water feels. Focus on just feeling the water. Enjoy it. Smell the shampoo. Enjoy the wonderful smell. If you do not enjoy the smell, buy some that smells good to you next time you are out. Go watch the sunrise. Don't think, just be. Focus on enjoying the moment. Do this with the food you eat. Do this with the people you interact with.
The four agreements: Do not take anything personally. Be impeccable with your words. Never make assumptions. Always do your best.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Thank you guys. I’m still trying to wrap my head around all this.
W was very nice this morning. (She is every morning. But more so today)
I’m expecting a call from doctor Monday morning at 9 after he meets with his team to go over my options. I would really like W there so she can hear and offer her input. This would mean asking her to take a few hours off work. Thoughts?
I think I’ll be able to continue DBing while handling this. It’s almost natural now. There is the part of me that wants her to hug me and we hold each other for awhile. But I’m not gonna ask for it.
