Yes… do NOT send that letter. Read it as if you are him and notice how it makes you feel. If your intention is to shame him and blame him 100% and push him further away, this will do it. Are you wrong? Probably less wrong than he is. But...what is your goal? Understanding, forgiveness and reconciliation or being right? One of the things, I think, that prevents WASs from returning is the sheer weight of the shame and the guilt and having to face it all and then living with it every day alongside the person who now knows what a jerk you've been...for my H, it was five years and for your H...15!!! He has been living with this for 15 years. Believe me, you do not need to make him feel worse.
What you want to show him, if R is what you truly want, is that you won't spend the next 15 years throwing this in his face whenever you have a disagreement. I'm not suggesting he get a free pass but beating him over the head with the past is not going to help. I KNOW this is the main thing that prevented my H from wanting to try again...he had a few days where he was going to...but it was just too much and looked too hard from his perspective. He had to start over and try to reinvent himself with someone new. His ego and self esteem was just too beat up for him to do anything else.
Like everyone else has suggested... take the focus off him. Step back. Take your trip. Enjoy yourself and really, really think about what it is you would like going forward. (((HUGS)))
