Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I would have responded sooner but I was away for the weekend. Plus I needed some time away from discussing my sit. I was getting into overload territory.
I read some of your recent posts - I wont quote them here for brevity's sake - but here are a few things that stuck out -
1. Getting worn out. This has been my status quo for the past year. There is no way around it, I have found, it has to happen. The best thing I have done to alleviate this is to force myself to get mentally tougher, physically tougher, and emotionally tougher. If I find myself thinking "I can't", I say "Stop. Of course you can. Take a minute, breathe, then get on with it."
Also, vitamins and natural supplements/foods for fatigue. And lots of water.
2. Getting triggered. It seems to me from here that your emotions are still being influenced by W's interactions. I have found that this is one of the hardest things about S - detachment. I would explore what causes you to get angry with W, and why you let this anger sit with you for longer than it takes a normal emotion to pass. Usually anger is very intense, but it is also fleeting. If it is staying with you - try to see if it is because you really are still angry, or if it is you wanting to be angry because of a story/narrative your W is telling herself.
3. Seeing your kids more. As long as there is no imminent L danger or courtroom drama incoming, just ask. Kindly. I would pick your moment, though, and this could be the trickiest part of it.
4. Standing. You don't have to stand. It is your choice. But remember that a decision to cut the rope entirely will not make your situation any better or worse in the near or even middle future. Unfortunately you will still have to deal with this situation and its consequences, and for quite some time afterwards. Make sure it's what you really want and it's what is best for you and your kids.
I hope you're feeling a bit better today, U. Try to keep a PMA and stay as strong as you can.
