I like your thoughts Yail. It is an interesting time of self growth I suppose. In the job that I do in dealing with people affected by the most extreme circumstances I see that those left behind often go through this introspective stage of grief at the circumstances that life has dealt with them. I will often say to them that they cannot live their lives thinking 'should've and could've' because they are purely hypothetical and cannot be proven because the opportunity won't arise again. I guess I need to apply this to myself. I'm not beating myself up or anything, just some of the musings that I have.
I guess we all write a 'story' for ourselves when we choose a particular path in life. Mine was very ordinary in that it involved marriage, a career and children and then moving into retirement together. In my natural state of 'controller' it gave me great security to know how life was mapped out. All manner of things come along that change the narrative whether it be; illness, loss of job, tragedy, death or divorce. I do accept that my narrative has changed. My personal growth and development will be allowing the future to be yet undetermined and accepting that. Sometimes I can feel excitement about that peeking out. I will allow myself to feel it I hope and not squash it with negativity.
DV6 - you are absolutely right. There are no shortcuts. I guess that is why most of the time the LBS ends up so much stronger. They lived and breathed and felt every flipping second of it whereas the spouse often had relationship overlap.
I am in such a better place than he is. I know that. I do think he is feeling the consequences; the alienation from his sons for one thing. I also know he will be burying that feeling and carrying on as normal but he knows it is there. I think the consequences for him will be far reaching and will cause serious damage to his mental health. All the exciting, kinky sex in the world won't compensate. For that I feel sad, but only the same compassion that I would feel anybody who is on a destructive path.
I do feel sad for my sons.
Anyway, exciting times in the next couple of weeks. Did I mention that middle son has got engaged to a most wonderful girl? They visit this weekend. All 3 boys are going off together for a night away and I get fiancee to myself. Then a little mini engagement party (just me, the boys and their partners). Then next weekend I'm off down to London to meet her parents and extended family and because they want to show me the potential wedding venue and where they may buy a house. A year ago I would have been very anxious about doing this without H, now just looking forward to it. I guess we do grow and become stronger through this process.
