LH - You are right about her going back to work - there is also a point where money doesn't matter and maybe I should get on with it.
MLC - I really appreciate you airing out your frustration.
I don't know how to get my W to ramp down the safety concerns. I can't control her actions or words. I can obviously stop playing into the narrative and do things like refuse further MC unless it is MR-focused. I feel like I am going to have no option other than to file for D in order to protect my rights, based on her actions. I would prefer to file for D with a clear conscience, and not at a time where I feel compelled to do so.
I'd really like to hear feedback on what I can do here that doesn't involve taking a legal approach. (If there is one).
What I really want is to continue with the 4-10 but add some time alone with the kids in the middle of the 10. Perhaps an overnight, perhaps even a "pick them up after school, take them to dinner, get them ready for bed, drop them at mom's house".
I did make a lot of "agreements" early on in our separation as my W was threatening to withhold the kids and I wanted to avoid a court battle. That was NGS clearly. I know it, and I feel bad for it. Our MC continues to hold me to the agreements which is part of the problem. It also makes me wary about making any agreements with my W, even for little inconsequential things, because I never know when she is going to harp on them.
There are 2 incidents with my children that my W calls abuse. One was the incident I have described before, where I grabbed my son's leg in the back of the car to stop punching his sister. I left no marks - but it was overly aggressive and I was angry and scared him. The second incident was about 4 years ago, when he was a toddler misbehaving, and I picked him up and shook him. I did not brain-rattle shake him. He was not injured. I deeply regret what I did. In both cases, I agree I lost my cool. I wish I had made different decisions. Neither of these were reported incidents. But I do feel bad about them. I wrote about them in my April letters, which has scared me into caving into some of her demands.
I don't think I am trying to nice her back. But I am definitely trying to nice my way through the situation. Which is just as bad. I'd like us all to just get along and make this easy -- and that is the problem.
I feel like if my W would back off (and yes, I know that this is largely up to me, not her), I would be able to tolerate the separation much longer. As it is, the implicit threats around child safety make me worried to the point I think filing for D is the best option to protect my rights. But I don't want to make that decision out of fear.
We go to MC next week (first time in a month). I am fully expecting my W to turn this into "child safety class" or "UC failed on his commitment by one day not texting me for several hours with the kids". I am intending to focus on 3 points:
1. No further MC appointments unless we work on the MR. 2. Adding in some time during the 4-10. 3. Somehow addressing the constant pestering about safety?
