Yorkie, glad the meeting was non-eventful. I was always relieved every time I had an uneventful meeting. I consider it a win.
Your thoughts about wondering why you didn't see that your M was over - and whether H was the brave one or not...
I have those thoughts a lot. And here's what I've come up with that works for me:
I think there are a million ways we can lead our life. I often think, "I wonder what it would be like to live like ____" or "In another lifetime I wish I had gone to school to study ____". Just imagine the possibilities open to us as humans. But we only have time to explore a few.
We lived one version of our lives married to our spouses. They were not necessarily bad. They may have been wonderful. But they weren't the only door open. We can love multiple paths equally but in different ways.
I can't imagine getting back with W now, but I also know that when in the M I was truly happy. I was content. Yes, I was complacent and lazy in the R and that was an error. But I was happy with that choice I made to live in that way.
So I wouldn't spend too much time wondering why you weren't "brave enough" to suggest an end. It was one path you wanted to see through in your own way. In that version you didn't have to be the brave one and that's okay, but maybe in your next path you will. Who knows.
