Just had a meeting at the house with a new Estate Agent and H. Have to admit was feeling a bit 'wary' about it. I think it is about the 3rd time I have spoken to him in person in 2019.
Anyway, I shouldn't have worried. I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. I was surprised at his physical appearance. The unkempt straggly beard and bad complexion is not something I have seen in 30 years, but I just registered it and thought 'oh well....that's interesting' like I would have done if the neighbour had called round.
I have to say that I still think that I am talking to a shell, but of course that may be just the H that I see. I don't feel angry, sad, nostalgic, love. Nothing. Maybe some relief that we managed to get through this meeting and a brief one afterwards with just us 2 without resorting to point scoring. Not worth the effort really, because ordinarily I do enjoy a good bit of point scoring.
An hour was just about bearable. I did think when he'd gone that I can think of 20 people straight off the top of my head that I would rather spend time with than him.
Not really worthy of posting except to say, in my sitch, very little contact has done me wonders. I do have to think about the fact that if this M was over, why didn't I see it and why wasn't I brave enough to suggest that enough was enough? Laziness? Complacency? Too scared of a future on my own? Convenience? Needed somebody to empty the bins? (joke)
I certainly would have done it in a far more honourable way than he did, but perhaps he was the brave one and I was the coward. Food for thought.
