Steve and R2C. I’m a little confused. Nothing has been discussed about separation. She hasn’t brought it up. Only at bd and we never talked about separation
Anyways. How do I do the letting her know I’ll be just fine with without her. Without bringing up separation
(If she did I just say I would like us to work in our marriage because I think we’ve got something special. But I’m not gonna stand in the way of your happiness). All cool and collected
But if she brought that up now it would be out of far left field. But it wouldn’t surprise me
Anyways. I’m in a great place. Even if I got served right now at my job
It was very obvious she has been expecting me to freak out and could use that as a “turn off”. She was floored about the way I’m handling it
Oz, I see you say similar things over and over again. She said X, I said Y, it was "very obvious" that she was thinking A, B and C." I want you to accept a large truth in life- you don't know what she's thinking. Don't pretend you do, don't think you do, don't act like you do. If you want to know what someone is thinking then ASK THEM. That's what listening and validating is all about. Don't ever make assumptions, because I promise, you'll be wrong every time. ESPECIALLY if it's a woman you're making assumptions about.
Anyways. How do I do the letting her know I’ll be just fine with without her.
Turn yourself into a bad azz MFer that doesn't give a $hit whether she stays or goes. You get your [censored] together, don't follow her around like a whipped dog, you don't accept scraps from her because you are not initiating anything that would put her in a position to reject you, you are happy, upbeat, positive, engaging, not walking around on egg shells, you are living your life and enjoying every fuching minute of it.
You flip the script on her. What does she give you that another woman can't or won't?
(If she did I just say I would like us to work in our marriage because I think we’ve got something special. But I’m not gonna stand in the way of your happiness). All cool and collected.
W:"Oz, I think we should seperate" H:"W, we both deserve to be happy. Let me help you pack."
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
On doing too much, I think your right. I thought I was supposed to be doing more of the insignificant touching. (Hand On back when walking by). That kind of thing. Maybe I should back off some?
Remember to keep things balanced. If you have kept your hands off her, and overnight you start touching her every chance you get..........then you are overdoing it. Even if they are non-sexual touches, you have to start off gradually.
Google "Kino" or the "art of touch" or both together-- there's lots of blogs, webpages, youtubes etc. There is a propriety and progression to physically touching other people, especially women and doubly especially with women in whom you have a romantic interest. Nutshell-- some body parts are "safe" to touch when establishing or re-establishing intimacy with a woman for the first time (and when progressing), and some will be a turn-off (and some will get you slapped, lol). Nutshell #2 is that confidence plays a HUGE role in it... You need to be confident when you touch a woman (not overbearing, just... confident). Women have a kind of hypersonic radar when it comes to unconfident men, so you need to a) not touch more often or in places that are not yet "appropriate" based on the stage of your relationship and b) be confident at whatever level of touch you are engaging in BEFORE you attempt it. DB-ing in general, if you are doing it right, should already be doing wonders for your confidence level in general. The term (Kino) and the "art" are both frequently encountered in the "pick up artist" community/subculture, so i was surprised when my very Christian IC/MC brought it up and suggested it in one of my early IC sessions-- she really is the best, lol). FWIW, the "pursuit/distance" dynamic is also frequently discussed in the "pick-up" community as well, and for very good reason... Both those dynamics (pursuit/distance and progressive touch) WORK.
Best of luck to you.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
Steve and R2C. I’m a little confused. Nothing has been discussed about separation. She hasn’t brought it up. Only at bd and we never talked about separation
Anyways. How do I do the letting her know I’ll be just fine with without her. Without bringing up separation
(If she did I just say I would like us to work in our marriage because I think we’ve got something special. But I’m not gonna stand in the way of your happiness). All cool and collected
But if she brought that up now it would be out of far left field. But it wouldn’t surprise me
Anyways. I’m in a great place. Even if I got served right now at my job
That just seems very unlikely at this point.
Oz don't get hung up on the separation thing. It was an example. I even labeled hypothetical. The point is that no matter what she says or does, you face it head on..... And remain cheerful and upbeat.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
AS. Thanks man. I was just trying to say that that was a massive 180. For her to even ask “are you nervous”. Thats very telling of.my 180ing victory She never asked before because I was always stressing her out about it. I’m pumped at my own response. Cool thing is. It’s how I really feel too.
TB. that is honestly how I’m starting to feel. I’ve been walking taller too. Naturally. It’s a great feeling
R2C. I’m learning to control my own happiness. It’s extremely liberating. I’ve got my tattoo gun out. This is gonna hurt LOL
HOOS. Awesome info!! Thanks a lot!!
Steve. Thanks man. You are the best. I didn’t mean to get hung up. I guess that shows I still have some work to do lol. But to be honest. I’m really effing proud of my progress so far. I can’t wait to see how far this goes
So I’m going to my cancer appt by myself. That really [censored]
Geez mate I'm sorry to hear this. Don't let her not being there get you down. Think "me, myself and I". All my appendages are crossed for a good result for you!
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
