Let me up front and say that I am NOT advocating this approach. But, it's something I've been thinking about in general. It more or less boils down to a R-rated and potentially damaging version of "if you love it, set it free." I am not saying that it will work either, but I am generally curious how this would fundamentally drive personal growth from both parties and potentially build something from it. Something Esther Perel says - "your first marriage is over. would you like to create a second one together?"
What if, and a big big if, you gave your W permission to follow her fantasy down the rabbit hole and see what she finds? Get to the rock bottom of it? You in the meantime are not waiting in the wings while she goes on her own discovery path, but take one of your own. A path that asks the same questions that your W is asking, but in a more direct way - why do you want to be in the relationship? what is about the other person that brings you fulfillment? would you be able to find fulfillment with someone else? In a way, open the relationship up for 12 months and see what happens. An experiment of sorts.
I understand this goes against principles of fidelity.
As I said, I don't even know if I would be able to do this, but one thing I know for sure - I will never ask someone to be in my life if they didn't want to be there fully and present with me. I'd rather be single and explore all that I want in life than be with someone who is 95% in. And who is willing to face the ups and downs in a relationship and be in a full partnership - whatever that looks like. The golden saying about decision making goes - 98% is hard, 100% is easy.
As a man of faith, I know what I have proposed goes against not just the Christian faith, but almost all the major religions of the world. The other way to potentially get to the finish line with your W is IC/MC and taking advantage of short circuiting her WW path.
Anyways, you asked me for it and so I gave it. As I said, I am not saying that you entertain this approach. I am merely projecting what I would NOW consider with all what I know and what types of challenges I am willing to bring on.
I also understand that this may offend people's sensibilities about monogamy, marriage, fidelity etc, and I respectfully see that. I am just sharing an unconventional approach that has piqued my curiosity.
