IDK Blu, I guess how do you really know? I've spent so much of this marriage unhappy myself, looking outwardly towards other potentials as well. I met a couple of girls while W and I were dating that came back into the picture after we were married. Admittedly my attention was distracted by them, though I never followed through. I mean how do you really know if someone is craving attention from others? You don't always. So while I understand what you're saying, and I agree, it's a hard to enforce something like that. I don't like it, but I'm sure in her alone private moments she misses what it was he was providing for her. Is that something to give up on the MR over? Probably not at this point.
I think you just know. I feel that I am an intuitive person, but I think we all are if we pay attention to it. Sure, we can try and convince ourselves and others that things are the way we want them to be, but in our gut we can sense the way reality stands. Far before my BD, I knew something was off with my H. And then after the separation when he wanted back in, I could feel a shift in his energy before he said anything -- the smallest changes started long before he told me he wanted me back, for example he would hang on to a conversation just a couple minutes longer. And even now, years later, it feels obvious to me when we have a close intimate connection and when there is more distance.
Something told you to check up on her. If you didn't have any suspicions, you most likely would not have followed through on that. The point I am stuck on with your W is that she told you directly that this is what she wants, she doesn't have a problem with it and that you should accept that. She was as clear as she possibly could be.
So you have to ask yourself if you are okay with that. Even if she sticks to your rules of being off games/screens/communicating w/ OMs, you may have to accept that she still craves it. And also that she only stopped because you caught her and told her to stop. You said that it is not a reason to give up on a MR and that is a respectable choice. We each have to decide what is right for us. I just want to make sure you really truly are okay with that. Because my sense is that you want a deeper/intimate connection and that her attention-seeking is derailing that.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
