Wolf im in the same exact position at the moment. BIL is actually already moving his $hit in, in anticipation of me moving my stuff out. Refi is approved and on the table. I put my foot down with STBXW that Im not comfortable with him living here until I'm moved out in 1-2 months. Wolf. She knows. She doesn't care. LISTEN TO ME. SHE DOESN'T CARE SHE DOESNT CARE. SHE DOESNT CARE!!! THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO OR SAY TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS. She wouldn't have given all of her actions and all of this thought and planning to go through with this if she wasn't emotionally prepared to. She thinks the grass is greener. She might be wrong or right. Only time will tell. Let her live with her choices if she no longer values you. Your self respect and dignity comes first in your life. Before your XW, before your family, before your children, all of it. It [censored], and I know you are hurting. I am too, but I want you to try and think about it this way... If your W can make your life a living hell with what she has done in recent times. If all those lines in the sand have been crossed, if she wants out.. disrespects you, buys you out of your castle that you worked on for her, your family, etc, treats you as disposable, is no longer attracted to you, is repulsed by you, is taking a means of legal action against you, etc... What else can she do to you? LET HER GO! DISMISS HER. FOCUS IN YOUR OWN PRIORITIES, TAKE YOUR POWER BACK! If she wanted you back tomorrow? After all this could you respect her? Her decision? More importantly could you respect yourself? if you took her back tomorrow I can promise promise you that within weeks or months, not only with the same problems reappear, but you will wind up hating yourself for it and you won't be attracted to her cuz you want to taking someone back that didn't really was reluctant to get back with you in the first place. Nobody wants pity, everyone wants willingness. She will only come back because she probably ran out of options. or you made some significant changes from a far to where she perceives you as valuable again. do you really want someone to make choices like that in your life?
I'm starting to realize a lot of people here might disagree with me but this whole thing from dating to marriage it's all an attraction game and people always want someone that's more valuable then themselves or so they're perceived to be. There will be a mix of delusion and reality in their minds from both sides. But your self worth come first before anybody's.
I don't mean to sound prideful. But you two are either working for each other or not at all there really is no halfway, and when someone has one or both feet out the door you let them go. Just like a hiring manager. Learn from all the mistakes you made in your marriage about yourself and what you contributed to the dysfunction. Correct them 180 on them have some respect for yourself. More importantly learn to recognize the signs and signals of when they're starting to leave by their actions... I can't encourage this enough learn from it. You will see it with clairity in hindsight, just like every other relationship that failed.
Wolf you wouldn't do those things as mentioned because you have honor, morals, and principles. What does that say if your W's regard to the relationship? I'm sure she has her side of things too in legitimacy. But she's going in another direction. She has her own mind, her own feelings, her own choices, and her own consequences to deal with. Let them go.
