Steve, I hope and believe you are taking this all to heart. You're hearing it from multiple sources,..and the advice is based on your own version of the story.
Many women and men for that part, are attracted to unattainable love. Meaning people that there is little to no chance that these people could ever turn into a real suiter. Think about how some only flirt with married people. It fits their MO of comfort. That is at least for the initial parts of the R. In a sick way, it feels safe. Read about it.
I don't think anyone here is saying it's time to throw in the towel. Your potential post MR options are irrelevant.
Just don't downplay the event. IMO, your W has much work to do. Nothing that you can fix. All you can do is set strick boundaries and hold her to them. Then at that point, you can make any decisions regarding this MR.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
