22 years gone

[rooskers]

My EX W had an affair on me ten years ago. She led me to believe for the past ten years it was a mistake and I could trust her again. On May 23 she was in bed with me after we got our teenage daughter to bed and said she didn't love me like a wife anymore and no longer wanted to be married. She didn't want to go to counseling and the next day left. On the May 24 she went to school and pulled D out of class and told her "I don't love your dad anymore and want him to take care of you and I will see you sometimes." She then brought her up to my room, I teach there, and left her where she ran up to me and started screaming. My EX W just walked out of the room and never looked back.

This was one week before my birthday and two weeks before a huge vacation we had planned as a present for my D birthday. She was also suppose to help me with an outdoor school trip I was in charge of for school. I was in total shock that my life was just turned upside down for a second time by the same person. She said it wasn't a guy but the couple days later I noticed on our shared calendar that she was going on birth control and was taking one of my D friends to ballet. I told her dad that since I was going by his house that I could take her since I had to take my D anyway and he got real evasive and said no my EX W said she could do it and thank you anyway. My suspicions were raised and confirmed when my D said about a month ago she noticed they were hanging out a lot and she was always super smiley and excited when he came in. She then said at a friends party that she went to my EX W dropped her off then went for a walk with him holding his hand. EX W denies this all and told my D she must have seen someone else doing that. When I confronted her about this on the phone she got very defensive and said she didn't have an affair with him but then invited his daughter within hours of me saying I did not want to go with her and my MIL to Hawaii. When her MIL came up my EX W wanted her to stay with me supposedly to visit with D. She wanted me to care for D and only invited her over once to see her new place which she magically got within a week of leaving. MIL said the OM had been over to her place to help her with things like lights for her car and installing various stuff.

While all that was going on I was continuing to work at school and taking care of my D. She had a ballet performance that both EX and I were suppose to help with but she bought out so she didn't have to help and I had to double up on my volunteer duties but I wanted to be involved to support my D. I was use to helping and volunteering since I was a stay at home dad for most of my daughters life. I was even the one to hold her for the first eight hours of her life since she was born by c-section. During this couple of weeks my EX W never asked to take care of our D or have her come stay. She only saw her twice before the Hawaii trip and that was only for a couple hours. While in Hawaii my EX W made the trip completely about her flirting with tour guides, taking them everywhere with no breaks, spent money like it was going out of style, pretended nothing had happened, and argued with her mom everyday. I got a call from my D one night saying that EX W and MIL got into it big and both stormed out so I was worried I needed to fly and get my D. They came back and EX W took D on a walk and told her how she had an affair on me 10 years ago and proceeded to tell her all the things I did wrong in the relationship and that is why it happened. She told her that this time she left not because of a guy but she felt herself going that way. D got very upset and defended me a lot in that discussion.

While they were in Hawaii I got the divorce papers ready like my EX W wanted and had everything split pretty much 50/50 with me getting spousal support because I had been the stay at home dad for the past 10 years, put her through nursing school, and supported her career instead of working on mine. I also created the visitation schedule like she had requested and that was she wanted to see D every other weekend and to rotate holidays. When they got back she was given the papers by my lawyer and complained only that she didn't want her name changed back to her maiden one since she was shutting her mom out from her life permanently and complained spousal support was too much. She was happy she said with everything else and thanked me for the visitation schedule.

For the next two months I have been threatened to be sued by her and my D has only received occasional texts that consist mostly of EX W adventures all over the place. This has hurt D very much and eventually she blocked her from texting her anymore. EX W did ask to see her once before the visitation started on August 2nd but that visit did not go very well and only lasted an hour. EX W has gotten nastier and nastier from the moment she got the divorce that she asked for. If she isn't threatening legal action she is demanding things from me. Through almost all of this I pretty much didn't respond at all unless I had to and then it was strictly business. I have not tried to talk about the relationship or even called her or seen her for more than 30 seconds since the day after she left. I have given her everything she wants, divorce, no contact except email, taking care of D, and still she despises me. It is hard to let go of 22 years together and the fact I rebuilt my trust with her after the affair 10 years ago. I loved her unconditionally and to just be thrown away like piece of garbage hurts. The Wednesday after she left I called and she said she had been faking it for years and was tired of faking it anymore. She spent all summer going to the lake with her new friends and travelling all over and now that summer is over she wants to be super mom again and wants more visitation. She has also been saying how she didn't even understand what she signed in the divorce however she certainly understood the financial part. My D hates her and doesn't want to see her at all and honestly I can't blame her.