Guess I'm standing. Was "now what?"

[BarbH]

Journalling. Long night. I am so anxious. My sister and brother in law are off camping so H is in town alone. He's taken the afternoon off and went home 6 hours early. He's been home by himself all afternoon. I hope he's thinking. I hope he's okay. He hasn't contacted me. After the other afternoon which felt so genuine, I have no idea what is on his mind. I'm fighting the urge to text so instead I'm here.

I am so confused by him. I thought once he talked about his deep dark secret we'd be making steps forward. Then I think maybe we really are done and he's just too cowardly to say so. I feel like a yoyo. But then I don't think we are really done as he's had ample opportunity to say so.

Then I fall back on believe nothing of what they say and 1/2 of what they do. I have the feeling we will have some kind of decision before I leave on the 9th. I hope he decides to try. I'm spinning, and I know it.

When he said "I'm sorry". And I said " it's okay and I love you". He didn't say it back. Maybe after all that the "I'm sorry" was really good-bye.