I found my XW, and most MLCers I presume, are emotionally child-like, stunted. However, they can at times be deviously clever and manipulative. They are immature in emotional intelligence and empathy; yet still possess adult intellect and calculated reason, which does surface every now and then. Something not to be overlooked. Thinking they’re dumber than they are could lead to problems when negotiating. An MLCer will coldly and calculatingly go after whatever they desire, with very little regard for anyone. They are broken, their emotions on full, their empathy unable to function.
Your H is telling the truth, he does feel like he is going crazy. He will do all manner of things to “try” to fix the confusion and pain. All will fail. His, is a life of trouble and depression until he looks inward.
My XW also stated she felt she was going crazy. She also wanted, and pushed through, an amicable divorce. She unraveled very fast, and I figure if things had drag out she probably would have gone for more, either from her own desires or prompting from OM. My advice, once started get this done quickly if possible.
You’ve waited and let him do the heavy lifting for as long as possible and now need protection and security. It is your time to act.
You should be proud of yourself for how you behaved conversing with him. Well done! He was certainly trying to get you pulled in. (Oh I love to see examples of trying vs doing).
Originally Posted by Grace21
Anyway, I told him I could care less about what OW gets. It’s irrelevant.
That was wonderful.
The whole conversation sounded very cool-headed. You are a force, and have reclaimed your self esteem. No walking on eggshells anymore. Polite and to the point, no blaming, no judging - really excellent. Continue to not blow up at him. Blasting him will not serve your goals here or future, and will drive him nuts. And yeah, he is clueless about alimony - wow 3 times lower, boy is he going to get a shock.
I agree with your thoughts about describing life. A blissful life is a fantasy, life is hard and takes work. There are certainly moments of bliss. Joyful, happy, fulfilling - yep much more accurate.
Keep walking your path and guiding your kids. Glad to hear D20 is doing better.
You’ve come a long way and are one heck of a good role model - for kids and here.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
And yeah, he is clueless about alimony - wow 3 times lower, boy is he going to get a shock.