Gerda – I appreciate you checking in and sending love. It means a lot to me, and gives me comfort knowing I have someone thinking about me.
DnJ, Your post prompted me to look up the definition of “idiot” and “foolish”. You are correct. Foolish is a more accurate descriptor. But, idiot gives me more pleasure to say out loud.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Of the two, I think either could find happiness. However, the idiot has a better chance of keeping it, they are just dim-witted. A fool on the other hand acts imprudently; behaviors that increase the chance of losing their happiness. Kind of like what H is doing right now.
Boy, is this accurate. Every decision H is making is making him fall further and further into the abyss. He said to me yesterday that not only is he clinically depressed, but it’s so much more. When prompted, he stated he thinks he is going crazy. I believe he could be, and I believe he feels like he is going crazy, probably every single day. This statement was at the end of a 40 minutes phone conversation yesterday. We were starting discussions of a settlement agreement.
When I broached the subject of preparing a more formal separation agreement, he stated he wanted to keep it amicable and keep the lawyers out of it. He asked if I retained an attorney (I truthfully told him no), and he said he would be “forced” to do so as well and it would be costly. He wants to mediate. I told him I am willing to work with him amicably, so I sent him my “wish list”. He sent me several messages saying I didn’t know what I was talking about, had no idea about how to calculate alimony, etc. He had the nerve to say that he knows, because OW has been through it and she gets $x,xxx. Keep in mind she is not divorced, and there is no legal separation in my state. The sum was almost 3xs lower than all the alimony calculators say is a starting base. He’s clueless.
Anyway, I told him I could care less about what OW gets. It’s irrelevant. Part of the problem is he refuses to meet with me. He shared with me that he didn’t think he could take it. I believe that. He can’t face the results of his choices. We did talk on the phone as I stated, and I was so proud of myself. Every other minute or so, he became agitated, a bit aggressive, even angry, but I remained calm, cool, and collected the whole time. He told me he was angry all the time, at even at work, and he was so made the other day he threw his phone down and smashed it. I wonder if OW is living in bliss? He thought my first proposal was ridiculous, and wanted me to admit it. I just kept saying that I wouldn’t go back there because that was just the start of negotiations as we had to start somewhere, and he can now offer me a counter proposal. I will see how it unfolds as I’m just glad the process is starting and he now understands I AM getting a divorce.
I have an attorney picked out and ready to go, and am continuing scanning 3 months worth of statements, documents, etc. I won’t work with H without attorneys for long, and I am clear headed and vigilant. I told him I don’t want this dragged out, and we need to keep it moving.
I will be ready, even though H very well might not be in any way.
He still doesn’t understand why I had to tell the kids about OW. I did say that they should know you have moved on and the truth, and that some day you might have them meet her. He said that he told OW that she will probably never meet the kids. Again, makes me wonder if she is living in bliss with a man obviously not proud of his choice. Not my problem.
Good night last night with friends in my home. D20 is home for the long weekend. She is better.
I don’t know if I would use the word bliss for my life. Joyful, happy, fulfilling. They are better choices for me.
