LH, i think I didn't make my main point stronger, maybe talked to much about her reaction. But my main point was how much more in control of ME I feel this time. No cycling, spinning. No petrifying fear of D. I'm calm, rational, cool, in total control of my feelings and emotions.

I do have to disagree though in one point. The best of Stevie for 1 1/2 years doesn't trump the worst of Stevie for 90% of the previous 18 1/2 years. No I'm not taking blame for her choices, especially this last one, but I do see my culpability in what she's become. Does she have an addiction? Yes. Am I partly responsible for that? Yes! I think that is what R2C's point is. This woman was starved of not only her primary love language for almost 2 decades.... But all on the love languages for that same period of time. I truly believe that if I had been a loving, fulfilling, nurturing, and validating husband all those years, she never would have gone looking for that elsewhere, and never would have developed that addiction. The path to alcoholism starts with that first drink. The path to heroine addiction begins with that first fix. No one had ever been an alcoholic or druggie that didn't take that first drink or first fix.

The rest I'm in 100% agreement with. Trust is going to be hard won by her. If it happens again I'll be even less inclined to stick it out as I was this time. And trust me, I was extremely close to telling her I was calling a lawyer the next day. I made it clear that I had no desire to remain married if I had to check up on her, or worry about what she was doing and who she was doing it with. And I truly believe that is why her actions since have been what they are. If she had continued the defiance and nonchalance that was her defensiveness the first night, I would have been making my plans to move forward with separation and D.

Even now I'm just taking it a day at a time. She is doing all the right things right now. I don't trust anything she says right now. As long as her actions continue to be in the direction they are now, I'll remain patient. Do I expect more from her? Yes! IC is going to be a requirement. I will not relent on that.

Last edited by Steve85; 08/31/19 05:17 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018