Continuing to be patient and let some time pass. I'm trying to not be too anxious about things and letting things naturally evolve. A huge huge huge issue for me.
She has talked a lot about getting her priorities right since I confronted her. Like I've said before, this time has been so different than the previous two times. And it goes back to my post about my demeanor. Yes on the night of the confrontation she went into defensive, even disrespect mode. And I called her on it. The next day she did some stonewalling after contacting me through out the day about the steps she was taking to have full transparency. I was gone all day Thursday and then when I got home we had a 2 hour discussion that was very cordial, we laughed, we joked, we discussed the issues at the heart.
I've never seen her this contrite, apologetic, and upset about what she's done to me and the family. In 2005, she was so in love (infatuation) with OM that she was sad she got caught. She went through major withdrawals from him. It was awful. I gave it some time, and then when I got tired of it I started to pull away (detach), and that's when she finally turned it around.
In Dec 2017, she was just done. I can't even say she was disrespectful, she just didn't care anymore. Her WW, walkaway mind had decided our marriage was through.
In both of those cases I was the typical, petrified LBS. Begged. Pleaded. Cried. Moped. Felt sorry for myself.
I know one made this point a couple of times already this week, but guys, this is proof positive that holding yourself high, realize that you are going to be okay no matter what, remain calm, cool, confident, and in control of your emotions, then you will be amazed at the profound effect that will have on your WAS.
I've never seen her try this hard before. I think it is important that you make sure they understand two things:
1. That you are willing to walk away and end things. As hoos quoted earlier in my thread (s), "they will never find you more attractive than when you're walking away". So true.
2. That they understand that you do love them, that you'd prefer to stay with them, but not unless there are changes and work done in their end.
If I could do both my other sitches over, I think that I could have avoided all of this if I had done things differently and handled it the way I'm handling it this time.
As always, I am open to all comments, advice, suggestions and 2x4s. Specifically calling out AnotherStander, whack me with it! And Sandi, I'm always interested in your take as a former WW. Do you think hey actions and words are in the right direction this time? Because I do, but am still guarded and watchful.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
