A year on and standing

[ToSmile]

Seeking some support and advice.

Thought I detached much but still way to go. Since my last post, these 2 weeks had been fine and she starts to get into small but short general conversation. Things seems to be slightly positive but I also do not pin too much hope on it. And when I stopped jogging as I injured my ligament, she even remind and suggest me to go see a sports injury doctor one particular day when I was away from work.

Couple of days back, we were on the way to work and alone again. The trip started fine after dropping off the younger kid and we were talking about various topics and I got abit conversational and showing more interest in the chat. Suddenly out of the blue, she just said oh yeah that her lawyer called her the day before and asking if we are to state down the figure of the joint maintenance fee for the children in the divorce agreement? I told her yeah, why not? She then say the lawyer advice if we do not state down, there would be more room and flexibility for adjustment. I told if there are future changes it would be up to negotiation but list it down for now. Then she said ok and tried to switch to another topic.

After a while, I told her, well once my lawyer received the notification, I will move out with the kids per previously mentioned and cease all existing living arrangement. The common financial contribution, the live in domestic helper's service and various other. She then asked me what's the rush? I could wait till year end school holiday for the kids to do that and the divorce will only be official next year.

I told her well since we are going for it, what for drag and delay it? What is to come will come and just make it swift and decisive. Thereafter, the trip went silent and till I got off the car, I just said good bye to her. Sometimes, I am suspecting if she is deliberately delaying the divorce till next year because by then, she will be relocating to somewhere near our town to work and she can actually forgo the car then. Now it is because she needs the family car and I am co-sharing it thus she is dragging it? But if this wild assumption of mine is true, then well wow, it's kinda speechless for a reason to delay divorce with.

I thought I could be fine and taking it as normal but whenever she raise about the divorce topic, even though I don't show it to her, it still thugs my heart. It still have some effect on me through periods though not totally removing my functions previously. And on the other note, I have this metaphor like she is trying to drive the knife slowly into me over periodic intervals especially when things are fine for a while then she will stab a bit... then leave it there till the next time when she will push the knife in another inch again.

Any advice from the vets?