Those quotes are amazing. Really eye opening. I’m following Steve’s sitch very closely as well.
Sorry oz. When you got here I was one of the success stories. I feel like a failure now. But you can learn something valuable from my sitch. Being strong for yourself is more attractive than being weak. The way I reacted to my sitch in Jan of 2018 pushed my W further away. The way I reacted to her latest transgression made her want to try to do the things necessary to stay in a relationship with me.
Be strong. Be independent. Be happy regardless of her actions, words or moods. That is what will make you attractive. It is no guarantee. But it guarantees you are going to be fine.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
On doing too much, I think your right. I thought I was supposed to be doing more of the insignificant touching. (Hand On back when walking by). That kind of thing. Maybe I should back off some?
Remember to keep things balanced. If you have kept your hands off her, and overnight you start touching her every chance you get..........then you are overdoing it. Even if they are non-sexual touches, you have to start off gradually.
Quote
Her response did sound like too little too late TBH. It also sounded like a question. Like “why did you wait until now?!?”
Well, it's resentment she feels. You waited until she was done with the M, until you started changing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Steve. Respectfully. I’m gonna flip the script on you. Your not a failure. You have no reason to apologize. You are a success story. Read the last sentence of your first paragraph. If that’s not success I don’t know what is
Sandi. Thank you very much.
BTW. one of my biggest 180s has just yielded massive results. My MRI is tomorrow. Check out this convo with wife
(She has told me she probably won’t go with me a month ago It’s in KC. 3 hrs away. She has always came before)
W what time is your appt tomorrow? Oz I have to leave at 7:30 W are you nervous? (I’ve usually been stressed the heck out for a couple weeks now. Stressing her out as well) Oz it will be whatever it’s gonna be and illl go from there (She is stunned) W well it feels weird not going Oz well your not Not invited if you want to go. It’s up to you
At this point she expressed regret not asking her boss for time off sooner and now it’s tomorrow.
It was very obvious she has been expecting me to freak out and could use that as a “turn off”. She was floored about the way I’m handling it
She may decide to come lol
I told my dad about it. He said WOW. that is at the opposite end of the spectrum for you. Lol
I still need help with showing her I’m ok being done with her. But that I don’t WANT to be done with her. Make sense?
I still need help with showing her I’m ok being done with her. But that I don’t WANT to be done with her. Make sense?
She doesn't believe the first part...that's why you show her.
Hypothetical:
W: Glad your MRI was clear. However, we need to discuss separation agreement. You: Thanks! And no problem, draw something up with your lawyer and shoot it on over to me! -said with a smile in a happy, cheerful voice-
If you think your attitude towards your MRI shocked her, you would love the look on her face after this exchange!
Also, don't worry about the second part above....she knows.
Last edited by Steve85; 09/03/1906:42 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Oz, I've been following you for a while and I'm so happy to hear how well you are doing. I haven't had much to contribute - there are so many wise voices here and I'm struggling with the basics on my end. But if you have time you should consider looking at your first threads and all the way to here - I read someone who is night and day improved with self-assurance, confidence, and direction. You should be proud!
Best of luck with the MRI and your sitch. I think that you're heading in a great direction!
M(35), W(35), D(4) M-9, T-12 Bomb Drop (D announcement) - May 3, 2019 W moved out Aug 13 House sold Sept 25 Papers signed Nov 15 Divorce finalized Dec 12
W: Glad your MRI was clear. However, we need to discuss separation agreement. You: Thanks! And no problem, draw something up with your lawyer and shoot it on over to me! -said with a smile in a happy, cheerful voice
Completely agree.Your whole body language needs to align with this. If not, she will see through it.
Your beliefs will be your worse enemy. Your current thoughts will be your second worse enemy.
You can control these. (Even if temporarily) .
You can handle it.-Coach
Originally Posted by Coach
How to practice detachment? Figure out the worst thing that could happen to you? (Spiers Doctrine - "The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function.") So the only thing that matters is are you doing the right thing. It easier to make a plan, take action and be brave when you aren't afraid of the outcome, you can't get hurt if you are already dead.
Accept the fact that you are going to get divorced. Everything is easy after that.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
