Quote: ...I feel like something BIG has happened with me. And I think that something BIG needs to happen with my spouse or we just simply won't be playing in the same ball-game anymore.
Very true. In what way(s) have you communicated the new boundaries to your wife? What are you doing differently with her? Your own differentiation will indeed trigger her differentiation, but only if you DO something. Talk with her about it. Let her know what's happening with you, if you haven't already. But primarily, DO something different, WITHOUT her permission - stretch the relationship. A great example is in the page 200-202 range, with the story about eyes-open kissing (and kissus-interruptus). The wife went ahead and did something different, without "permission". Even though the husband objected, she searched within herself, validated her own motivations, and stood up for herself. Some difficult times followed, but finally he "got it".
Quote: .....and then....there is still that sexual desire. That pesky desire that has nothing to do with validation, procreation, needyness, or anything else other than just wanting to BONE with the woman I love!
Again, examine your motivations. Make sure you want her, and not just any warm body. Make sure you're not just approaching it from the "piece of meat" model. Re-read "who wants to want?". Great information there. Depending on where the two of you are at, work at exploring your sexual potential there. If she's still resistant, then you have more work ahead of you - perhaps there's still some fusion there... another issue (or two, or more) to work through. Do like Schnarch does, and examine your sexual interactions to find clues to the rest of your relationship and life. Keep reading...
