#14 Here we go again

[lost8]

Hey Steve, hope the day of roller coasters is awesome. I'm 50 and I still love the adrenaline rush of speed. I have not been on here in a while but skimmed through your recent.

Totally suc*s, but I have been thinking too what I would do if my W had a relapse and I said I would know how to deal with it this time. The last A she had, the only way it stopped was because I dropped the rope, I finally found myself after 7 months of DB'ing and living with a stranger that had no concern what she was doing to me or our family.

My sitch is much better and different but I don't think I have picked the rope back up, not sure if I ever will. I know I am happy because my family is not in a toxic sitch and I still enjoy being with my W but I don't think it will ever be the same or at a place that we will both be comfortable again. She doesn't think I will ever trust her again and she doesn't believe I have forgiven her for the amount of hurt that she has caused.

The one thing you and everyone pounded into me during my sitch was respect...respect...respect...respect. A lot of my passive aggressive actions, the nice guy routine, etc are no longer in my relationship. I am open, honest, caring and give honest advice when needed about actions and feelings. I do not hold anything in anymore and I can do it without emotion. These 180s have gotten me the respect that I have needed to be a confident man again.

We also laid boundaries, if those get crossed we are not respected. What your W has been doing is crossing that line again. I will not tolerate that anymore if my W decides to relapse. I pretty much used a year of my life to find myself and unfortunately missed out on a good bit of my S15s year as well being in a frenzy. At this stage of our lives I think we both deserve a better ride.