Is the rest of my life ruined???

[Ske0187]

Hello.

Still detaching. Trying not to react to her BS snide/vicious/unrealistic/passive aggressive comments.
It really is counterintuitive to not try to correct her BS. That is a 180 though.

I have IC tonight. Should be a good session.

We're relatively cordial to each other except when I do me. (GAL) She gets PISSED. It's really hard to not react emotionally. (Internally) I haven't reacted so that's good.

I don't want her to get pissed because it still makes me feel bad. That makes it hard to GAL and not say much. I've got a lot of work to do on detachment. Sometimes I'm so "I don't care." and then something happens and I'm a ball of stress.

Last night I wanted to go upstairs to my room so I say, Hey I'm going to take the dogs out. (We have nine) Which dogs do you want? She gets pissed.

W You're going up to bed?!?!
H Yeah.
W Why are you going so early? You always go at 8. Why are you changing all of a sudden. You don't want to be in the same room as me? Is it so bad?

I so want to say YES!!!! I don't want to be in the same room! Same house! Same life! I'm sooo pissed at you for all of the things you did!!!! YOU KILLED ME AND THE KIDS!!! But I don't... I say, "No, I see how it might look like that to you and see that you're upset about it but it really isn't like that. I'm just tired. I hope you sleep well.

So far she has tried to control everything I've given her forewarning about.

How do I do me when I have to know she's going to be there for the kids? I'd like to just go do something when I get off work but I don't know if she'll be home in time for the babysitter to leave. Maybe I'll have to have a discussion about a pseudo visitation/custody schedule even though we live in the same house still.

I say I need to go to Costco when I get off work. I get why/what for etc. When I say anything like "I don't know." or whatever. She gets pissed and starts talking about my past transgressions. (In her mind) about me only thinking about me and what I want to do.
I know I'm not supposed to say anything but crap, how am I supposed to make sure the kids are OK?

Then when she calms down she says (normally) "Why don't we go with the kids? It'll be fun." I say "What for?" W "Just to look around." Costco is a GAL activity for me. I don't mind taking the kids with me though at all.

She HATES Costco! So transparently controlling.

I don't see this working. She's always said I don't pay attention to her.

How am I supposed to do one of "the rules" when it replicates one of the things she's said she hates about me?

Ugh...