As to the original point, be you. Live your life and continue examining yourself. Keep your focus there. You will 'differentiate' her into a mode where she will be forced to make more choices. She cannot stay the same if you continue to differentiate.
But, keep in mind, the book says, "acting differentiated is a clear example of being undifferentiated." So don't think about it, or the 'relationship.' Stay center focused. The rest will take care of itself.
