Guess I'm standing. Was "now what?"

[BarbH]

Well, what a day. first off-the tracker in the park last night was H at BiL's soccer game.

So he comes up to the house this morning. I had sent him an email, which he hadn't read. So instead I just started telling him what was in it. I had also said something about the separation.....so I mentioned it, and started to cry...which led to a bit of discussion. He said "I will explain it to you someday" (remember this).

So I go to town. He's at the house. I have some things to drop off at SiL's house. I text her, I go over, she's rounded up H to come over since she's trying to figure out his financials and why he's having to send me so much money. At first I think she's accusing me of gouging him. Then I say "but I send him all the bills and pdf of the reconciled accounts". Turns out he hadn't been opening any attachments. so when it looked like I was raiding the LOC's, I was actually covering household bills.

Then SiL says "let's get all the cards out on the table' and tries to get H to say he's done with the marriage "if you're done, you're done, if you're walking then be straight up". He won't say it. Then she asks me what I think, and I start crying and said something about "if you said our marriage was over 15 years ago,then thanks for wasting my time. Followed by "you said you would explain someday, but when someday comes, I won't be around". H makes his usual I'm uncomfortable with emotion face. Then SiL says "It's time, I'm going outside, you guys go downstairs and talk"

So he springs it on me. He did have an affair. 15 years ago for 6 months! And the guilt (H is a very black/white moral compass sort of man) has apparently been killing him for 15 years. He told his sister 2 days before.

Wow. I've forgiven him. (doesn't mean we won't need to talk about it). He cried, I cried, we hugged. we talked. He olds my hand. He said "I really like spending time with you" and I got one "I love you". We talked about retirement. We talked about finances. We talked about his almost EA with workfriend. Then we went upstairs and talked more with his sister.

When I left, I got the biggest, tightest hug I've had in a long time, and he whispered in my ear "I'm sorry". I whispered "It's okay, we'll talk, I love you".

So, he's at his sister's as he works tomorrow. He says "we'll talk about the separation when you get back from Halifax". (the 18th).

So we will see. Many miles to go here.