I have been following many of these conversations regarding "Passionate Marriage." I find the discussions about Differentiation and Validation (self-validation) quite fascinating.
Part of my initial counseling (when my wife and I started having intimacy/sexual issues) was to deal with a lot of my own need for validation. I have to say that breaking free from many of the ties that bound me to being "needy" in this was was one of the single best things I have ever done for myself. Another one of the great things that came out of this was the ability to not make myself responsible for her "issues" nor to take her reactions personally. I will be eternally grateful to my counselor as well as many of the people on this board for helping me get to where I am today.
My struggle now is where to go from here. I know where my boundaries lie and I know what I want for myself. I also know that I still have more to do with myself (hehehe) but I feel like something BIG has happened with me. And I think that something BIG needs to happen with my spouse or we just simply won't be playing in the same ball-game anymore. Obviously, I have no control over what happens for her but do I simply go out and make things happen for myself? Even if it means leaving my wife "behind" as it were? I suppose that is the very definition of differentiation but what do you guys think?
I guess I have to do what I must do and just hope that what I do will help my wife more than it will hurt her in the long run.....and then....there is still that sexual desire. That pesky desire that has nothing to do with validation, procreation, needyness, or anything else other than just wanting to BONE with the woman I love!
