Hi Turbine. You mention your reconnection with the Church a lot and what you see as your growth/failings related to that part of your life. And you keep claiming you're doing it for you - but every now and then you slip in that it's kind of for her.
It's sounding like you're reconnecting to the Church for her. I'm not sure I believe that this is for you.
Of course trying to connect to the community and living a full life is a wonderful thing, so I don't want to discourage you. But it seems you're looking to reconnect to the Church, not reconnect to your Faith. And I'm not sure how far that will bring you.
I think you need to consider what this is doing for you. Is it bringing you any healing, any community, any sense of safe space and fulfillment? If not I think it's time you look for other ways to connect to your Faith.
You are still very much resisting the fact that she is an autonomous being who has made her own choices. You still see yourself only as part of a duo with her. You are more than 1/2 of a relationship. You are a full Turbine into yourself, and I want you to find some things in your life that remind you of that, and connect you to your true authentic self.
