I just had an interesting experience with H. He brought D4 back to my place and I stayed scarce while he put her to bed. It took a long time, and when he came out of her room he was crying. He had recently told her about his own father (who was not around much when H was growing up) and apparently he had told D4 that his father was “afraid to be a father” so at bedtime D4 asked why that was the case. Apparently H told D4 it’s because “ (H’s father) is afraid of himself”. H said that when he told D4 this that she said “just tell him it’s ok, he doesn’t have to be afraid, just love your kids” and H was quite moved. He sobbed while he told me this. I just sat and listened, tried to validate. I couldn’t help tearing up. H told me that he thinks I’m doing an amazing job teaching D4 about feelings, empathy, etc. I thanked him and he kind of rushed out.
After he left I felt I should affirm the fact that he felt safe telling me about all that, because in past R talks he’s told me that he doesn’t trust me with his feelings, so this was a thing. I texted him:
Me: I appreciate you telling me about that sweet moment
H: It was f****** deep. She amazes me. Such compassion and empathy. I’m still crying. How is it possible for such a little kid to be so wise? Like I said, you’re doing an incredible job with her. Thank you
Me: Yeah, she really is amazing and wise way beyond her years. Thank you for saying that, it’s kind and it means a lot
H: Good you’re welcome. You should be proud of yourself
Me: I am
This felt like a moment to step out of DB mode a bit and “reward” the positive, emotion based interaction. Thoughts?
