#14 Here we go again

[hoosjim]

Steve, quick Q: Did you not establish any clear boundaries with her LY once you two started reconciling?

Also, WRT her (and your) passwords: The words you used in response may have "sounded good",and certainly seem like a confident, aloha thing to say, however... and this is not just me but every MC I know who's addressed this--transparency for MRs recovering from infidelity is crucial. It's not about monitoring or snooping, but about resoect, and openness, and vulnerability and, yes, trust...that you trust each other with that information. It is also an important safety valve, because we are all, as humans, flawed and weak. While, yes, of course, if someone is bound and determined to cheat, they will find a way, open new accounts, etc., temptation and even infidelity do occur even in happy marriages. Making yourself vulnerable and open to your spouse in that way (sharing passwords), is not only consistent with a fully intimate marriage, it can provide a "stop, wait a minute" to a spouse during any moment of weakness that might arise... It serves as s counter to the secrecy (not privacy mind you, but secrecy, and separation) that the internet and social media age has created. Do yourself a favor and look at the infidelity rate after the advent of the iPhone. My counselor, and I know others do as well, advises ALL couples, not just those recovering from infidelity, to practice total transparency and sharing of passwords and social media. It's something you do not because you have to, but because you love the other person.