13 Let's hope it isn't starting again

[hoosjim]

I know your sitch [censored] and it is hard for you to not get emotional about this but reading through your thread, I feel you are trying too hard and that is very unattractive (sorry for the 2x4). You have already confronted her, so IMHO it may help to take a step back and not talk to her about this for a couple of days. Tell her she broke your trust and you need time to process what happened before further conversation. Don't have any R talks for a few days and do things by yourself. You need to show you are alpha and disrespecting your boundaries is not something trivial. Let the tension between you subside first before you talk about the sitch with her. I feel that talking when things are tense will only be counterproductive.

^^^I agree with this.

Even if this is no longer fullblown waywardness but just a "slip"... though from her initial reaction it sounds like more than that... she needs to know that this is not trivial... that your trust will not so easily be gained. She should have to work for it.

And as to your worries about pushing her towards a PA.... don't. You may actually push her that way by smothering her with attention and being too accessible. If she is inclined to have a PA she is going to have a PA... and you'll be better off without her. The best thing you can do is be the best, strongest, most alpha "Steve" you can be right now... and that's probably also the best thing you can do for her. Pursuit/Distance, and you'll never be more attractive than when she thinks she might lose you. In fact, in my experience it may be helpful for a W, especially a formerly WW, to always have that possibility (losing you) in the backs of their minds... not front and center, but somewhere back in there. The pain of loss or of near loss likely accomplishes that JMHO...

One more thought... if you do decide to eventually take her back (and i can't say strongly enough that i don't think you should be too "quick" to do so, but make her wait a bit) that you need to be crystal clear about boundaries and that this is a zero-tolerance situation going forward... and you need to be willing to act on that when you say it because she will be able to tell if you're not. (And this is another place where actually seeing you walk away and thinking she's lost you at some point can come in helpful).