13 Let's hope it isn't starting again

[SteveLW]

Just want to say a huge thanks to this forum. Maika, yeah I think a lot of her turnaround last year was more "I'm stuck, need to make the best of it". Not so much of "wow this is so good I want to stay!"

And her smartphone addiction (which did definitely was up from March of last year to about April/May of this year) was too strong to completely overcome. And then she started getting that male, stranger attention and admiration, and boom, right down the rabbithole again.

My study and my research coupled with learnings here have really paid dividends with this relapse! New posters, please understand, yesterday was night and day compared to 12/23/2017!! And my W's response to it was so different too. There was no sadness or pathetic quality in my actions. It was a confident, resolute, "you ain't turning this around on me this time" alpha male presence. She did no threatening, no beating up, no jumping to "I'm done" this time. Maybe that will come, maybe it won't. But for now she is respecting me like she did not on 12/23.

I do recognize in hindsight how my post behavior could still best some responsibility for this. I'm not taking blame, but I'm recognizing the human nature of forgiveness. We can forgive, but we can never forget. While she wants to believe that the last 21 months is the new, real me, I'm sure deep down there is doubt and concern the old Steve85 could come back. The angry , critical, NGS Steve85. It in no way excuses any of her choices, but hey, she is human.

So, as is always the case, I'm not innocent. Though my culpability this time is for past sins, not current ones.