13 Let's hope it isn't starting again

[SteveLW]

CW, you're right. I'm right. And yet this morning after getting up after a fitful night of sleep, I have this down and sad feeling. Up until last night everything was going along so well. And while you're right it was all a lie, I was ignorantly bliss to it. As I pointed out to her, some of the telltale signs were back. Her wanting to stay home a lot. Her staying up late after nearly a year of coming to bed when I did. The PC being logged out. Her spending so much time on the games again. All the markers were back.

And yet we were happier than we'd ever been. Maybe she would have continued to ramp up to actually trying to meet someone.. Or maybe it would have stayed just online fantasy for a long until she grew bored and moved on from the activity. Once again, due to my impatience, we'll never know. I just couldn't believe this woman who is normally honest to s fault could sit there, look me square in the eye, and flat out lie to me. Though she's done it before, and will more than likely do it again.

Funny, I'm unsure what to do next. She was crying last night. I think more at getting caught and losing (she's apparently giving up the singing app and games if her on volition) what she loves, more than the idea that she might lose her family, house, cushy SAHM status, etc. I don't know what to do with her. Will she go to counseling? I doubt it. I'm guessing at her age she is beyond trying to fix things and now just wants to be and to be left alone.

There crossroads we are at is that she needs to decide what she wants. If she is willing to put in work and effort to rebuild trust, to commit back to the marriage, and give up her secret life, then I might be able to get onboard. If she wants this all to sweep back under the rug, and for life to go on as normal, I'm afraid I'm past that option this time.

In the previous events I was an awful husband that deserved what he got. This time I was doing everything right. And I still got burned.