13 Let's hope it isn't starting again

[hoosjim]

And I should add because my last post sounds particularly conciliatory that I do still think your "step back and create distance" inclination is the right one... maybe even a LOT of distance like I did... to emphasize the point that she DID make a mistake and that it was hurtful and damaging... and then use that and her response thereto as an opening to broach the subject or an invitation for her to come clean. You'll have to judge for yourself what the appropriate amount of distance is. For me it was easy-- I just felt betrayed and not particularly close to her... and i behaved accordingly. She definitely noticed.

Also, Sandi's point about your W being made aware of the addictive nature of affairs--it really is like a drug-- is spot on. She should really have a counselor, either your MC or an IC, who is familiar with this and willing to address it. Our own MC thankfully was VERY familiar with this dynamic (she's just the best-- can't say enough good things about her) and her IC sessions with my W were VERY productive and VERY helpful to my W, as was her familiarity with this dynamic during our joint sessions.