13 Let's hope it isn't starting again

[hoosjim]

I will definitely take action at some point. My only concern is stopping an affair before it starts. If I have to do that, do I really want to stay with someone like that?

At the end of the day, only you know the answer to that.

Did you ever see the movie "Minority Report" with Tom Cruise? Good, somewhat underrated, movie. It is based on a novel by Phillip K. Dick (who wrote the story on which Blade Runner is based) and concerns a near-future world in which pre-cognitives can predict crimes before they occur, which allows the police to arrest the criminals and punish them or imprison them... before the crime is even committed!! The film raises very compelling questions about guilt and free will and accountability... Can our futures be changed? Don't we always have the opportunity to choose a different path?

Look, your W definitely, at the very least, made a bad mistake... but does that necessarily mean she is a lost cause? Are all people who make mistakes (basically everyone) lost causes? Can our future courses not be changed/chosen? And can we not help others stay on the right path? If... IF she is "all in" on the MR, and truly wants to be with you as things now stand, then you two are partners, and helping find the right path would not be out of line (contrast this with a WW in the throws of an affair, who typically needs to hit rock bottom, see the consequences, and find her own way out.) The point I am trying to make is that ANYONE can fall... anyone. But sometimes people don't have to go all the way down the path of committing a particular sin even though they may have taken the first step. Idk what your W is up to here... really only she and the almighty do... but as Sandi2 has noted she is a recovering WW... an addict in some sense, and addicts need help and support. Before she went down the WW path, she was someone you chose (and she chose you, too) to be your mate for life. She changed, of course... but maybe if the two of you had done things differently, she never would have gone down that path. Part of the repair/reconciliation process is identifying the mistakes and weaknesses that got the marriage (and the individuals in the MR) in trouble in the first place... and seeing that those weaknesses are addressed and that those mistakes are not repeated ... But you will never eliminate the weaknesses completely... we're human.

Are you guys currently in counseling? Sounds like maybe that wouldn't be a bad idea to at least be checking in from time to time. My W and I are doing a check in with ours in a couple of weeks.

Hope this helps.