13 Let's hope it isn't starting again

[SteveLW]

Here is a question, is it possible for the reformed wayward to dabble in waywardness, maybe a bit of a relapse, without going full blown wayward again?

That's kind of like asking if an alcoholic can have a little drink occasionally without going off the wagon. She may not be as "reformed" as you thought. She may behave better around you. It's what's in the heart that's the real issue. I think she does not find fulfillment in homemaking, and has low self esteem. She gets a high when a stranger tells her she's beautiful, sexy, talented, etc. However, when hidden behind a phone or computer, it usually doesn't stop there. The farther away OM is, the braver she feels. So, it's going to progress into phone sex, using the camera, etc.

I think it's quite possible that she backslid, and either continued and has been hiding it for a while, or she decided to stop and trashed the messages. That's why I was asking how many months has it been since you verified.

Anyone can relapse, especially if they are not happy and are looking for something to fill that empty spot. I just think it's easier to relapse in the early stages of withdrawal. IMHO, the WW needs to be informed about how affairs are addictive and how it works in her brain. She needs a plan, a guide to show her how to cope and avoid pitfalls. WW's need accountability. That's why I support transparency until she is past the withdrawal period. Way past it.

If she backslid, I don't think it was due to you falling down on 180's. From what I have seen, it's been you working and improving Steve. What has she done since reconciling? The WW has a lot of inner work to repair. Yes, her overt actions and attitude are important, but her work on the heart determines her success, IMHO.

Is she still taking Zoloft?

Thanks Sandi. Great insight as always. It has been a few months since I "verified".! And I will say that this appears to be a relatively new engagement with the Canadian fellow. Those 4 messages were the only ones in the trash folder which means those were the only messages she trashed, out she hadn't gotten around to emptying her trash. I am guessing the later considering her main email account had zero messages in trash. I base it being fairly new on her online game record for and against this guy being relatively low.

She had become a bit slothful since reconciling. As I said, she has really lapsed on the housework. I'm thinking primarily because the newness of the new house wearing off. She also claims to love the new house so much that she just enjoys being in it. Her mom was in visiting for a few weeks and was a little surprised that my W doesn't want to go places and likes to stay home. Surprised isn't the right word, maybe more disappointed.

Your right, outwardly she is doing and saying everything right. Consistently. Very devout at church again. Never missing, having her lesson done, preparing to teach her midweek Bible class. Very loving and affectionate and attentive to me. I really expected to find nothing in my snooping, even as innocent as her two responses appear. My guess is this guy used her have profile to find her on Facebook to contact her and hard press her to interact based on her profile pic.

Yes she's still on both medications.