Summary to date: W was unhappy in 2018 and probably a few years earlier about her lack of career advancement, responsibilities of being a mother and wife, and lack of connection in our MR. She became involved in an EA with a co-worker (OM1) in August. She was going to an IC without my knowledge and came to the determination that I was the cause of her unhappiness. BD and IHS in November. I made all of the classic mistakes of begging, pleading, doing all the chores (super husband), etc. She became obsessed with her physical appearance. Spending money on facial treatments, anti-aging creams, manicures, pedicures, etc. EA with OM1 became a PA. Then, she was seduced by a 25 year old pickup artist (OM2) at a downtown bar and had a PA a couple weeks later which evolved into a limerant relationship. W went deeply underground with her smartphone when I found out and confronted. W met another low-life (OM3) in March on an online dating app and is still in an ongoing PA with him while cycling back to OM2 as desired. She has experienced the highest of highs when OM contacts her and the lowest of lows when ignored. She was full blown GGW and cycling between at least 5 OM. Her current favorites are OM2 and OM3. W has distanced herself from anyone of strong moral character and primarily interacts with a recently divorced woman that became her BFF last year. W bought her own house and moved out in early April. We have arranged 50/50 custody of our kids, S8 and D5, rotating every few days.
I would characterize myself as experiencing PTSD symptoms after BD/PA discovery for about 4 months. Way too much pursuit, pressure, and R talk. I became obsessed with snooping and trying to identify and over-analyze everything that went wrong in our MR that led us to this state. In doing so, I pushed her farther and farther away. I've heard just about every WW catch phrase from her along with way. She has re-written our MR history and focuses on all the negatives. I've been doing a much better job of GAL and detaching since late February. Contact has been like a business relationship, mostly limited to co-parenting and logistics. I confronted her in early May about no longer living in an open marriage. Her response was basically laughter and she said if you want a divorce, then she's all for it. That night she sent me an email requesting that I gather all of my financial records and decide what items I want to keep by the end of May. She hasn't mentioned it since but she met with a L at the end of August to seemingly start the process.
The EAs/PAs with multiple OM continue. When we do interact, she generally treats me nice. I am securely in the friend zone as I’ve allowed her to cake eat this entire time with her horse at our marital home. I am living in limbo which [censored], but I’m having a great time with my kids when they are with me. Also getting out doing activities I enjoy and spending time with friends.
At the end of July, I was ready to confront her on the A’s and file for D. Then, the H of a good friend of hers died in a motorcycle accident. This pushed my W into a state of deep reflection and for about 3 days I could see the girl I used to be married to. Unfortunately, that was short lived and she quickly reverted back to her WW lifestyle and resumed contact with OM3 along with OM2 occasionally. At that time, I asked her to attend Retrouvaille to say I tried everything and shockingly she said yes. However, she recently inadvertently sent me a text about OM3 that was intended for divorced BFF. I went full NC for 3 days after the text. Then things pretty much blew up again on a call about the NC where I said as long as she’s in contact with OM I need to limit contact with her as it only relates to the kids.
W is conflicted by guilt she feels from friends and family that think what she’s doing is wrong and her feelings of what she wants for herself. I’m sensing my MR is coming to and end in the next month or so with one of us filing for D.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
