Just journaling. It’s been a rough, anxiety filled couple of days. I’ve been sleeping very poorly, waking up in the middle Of the night reached with anxiety. I’m struggling but I’m trying really hard to focus on being present with my daughter and taking care of myself. I think I’m cycling between keeping hope alive and another big wave of grief and acceptance. H has been really sick since D4 and I got home for our trip, yesterday he texted that he was still in really bad shape and didn’t want to risk getting us sick. I validated and told him to let us know if he needed anything. He said thank you. Prior to our trip he’s been seeming run down, taking about how tired he is, looking in the mirror and commenting that he looks old and that his body is breaking down, and then the day he wanted to come to my place early to be with D4 here because he was tired and stressed. My friend commented that she thinks maybe he is getting tired of all of this, that maybe his new situation and life of freedom is losing its luster. Obviously I have no idea if there is any truth to it. But I did bolster my hope with it. Just being honest. I’m remaining cordially detached in his presence.
D4’s school requested a family picture for them to have in the classroom. We don’t have a picture of all 3 of us since D4’s 3rd birthday, so I’m gonna ask him about taking one for the school and for D4 to have. Also bolstering myself for the school picnic we will all be attending on Friday, and thinking through how I want to approach that. I want to come from a place of strength and confidence.
